"Main hi Pagal tha ki maine tumse shaadi ki."
"Yeh bracelet tum deserve nahi karti!"
"Koi tumhe iss ghar mein nahi chaahta, main bhi nahi."
Rohit's words echoed in her mind as she woke up in cold sweat. He had said this to her 4 months back. She looked at him sleeping peacefully beside her with a smile on his face. He was so happy that they were together again that he had scooped her in his arms in front of the whole family and went to his room, sorry correction; their room with her in his arms. Here they were, sleeping on the bed with serene silence. But after the flashback Sona had had in her sleep, she was troubled. Why was it all coming back to her now? Why now that she was so happy with him? Just why?
She caressed his hair with love harboured eyes. Suddenly, she doubted herself. Was this right? Does she deserve....
No!! What was going on? What the heck is she even thinking?
"Main mere Rohit ke baare mein aisa kaise soch sakti hoon. Nahi." She shook her head to clear her messed up mind. She had to sort this out. She got up and proceeded towards the balcony. She gazed at the moonlit sky with dazzling stars. She took a seat on the chair beside her and covered her face in her palms.
"Yeh kya ho raha hain mujhe. Main kyu aisa ajeeb sa feel kar rahi hoon." Sonakshi questioned herself.
Somewhere inside her, it just felt a little wrong. It did not feel satisfactory. Of course, she loved him with all her heart, she trusted him, and cared for him. But what about her mind? Her heart yearned impatiently to be with him but her mind wasn't on the same page. Those brutal words were lagging at the back of her mind and giving her an awful headache. She clutched her head and arched her back for support of her chair. She closed her eyes but they too betrayed her. All that flashed in front of her were those goddamn moments which she saw before. She opened her eyes in a jiffy and was again taken back to the dark balcony of her room. But within a moment, it started again. Those disturbing moments once again flashed in front of her and she almost screamed before realising that Rohit was still asleep. She didn't dare to look at him, afraid that she might disturb him with her guilty eyes. How could she think this way?
"Main uske baare mein aisa soch bhi kaise sakti hoon." She questioned again.
"Woh itna pyaar karta hai mujhse aur main bhi kitna pyaar karti hoon usse. Hum kitne khush reh sakte hain, par main hi aisi hoon. Move on hi nahi kar sakti. Humesha usko bolti thi main, ki aage badhna chahiye par main khud hi aisi hoon. Thike, bol diya usne mujhe kuch ghusse mein par woh tabhi mujhse pyaar toh karta hi tha naa. Aur usne shayad mere saath thoda galat bartaav kiya hoga par usme uski galti nahi hain, woh Nishi bua ne hi usko bhad kaya tha yeh sab karne ke liye. Aur usko thoda zyaada gussa aata hain, short tempered hain, I know. Mujhe yeh sab itna personally nahi lena chahiye. It's okay. Yahi achcha hoga agar main yeh sab bhul jaao. Aur Rohit ko meri insecurities ke baare mein nahi pata chal na chahiye. Usko bohot bura lagega. Nahi, Nahi."
She just shook her head. She took a deep breath and exhaled. Now she felt good, at least better talking to herself freely. Now she could normally go back, sleep and cuddle with Rohit, wake up a fresh new morning and start a new and wonderful life with him. Suddenly she heard heavy breathing and felt someone eyeing her. She turned back and saw the figure standing there.
It was Rohit.
*******
Precap:
"No Sona! Chod do mujhe! Tabhi tum khush reh paaogi."
Writer: NoNameforMe
