PROLOGUE
Love knocks at our door, sometimes early,sometimes late and sometimes we just keep waiting for it to happen but the true test of love starts when we begin to live with that person under the same roof. Falling in love is easy but staying in love is difficult. Accepting and loving the person as he/she is, is tough.
Loving someone immensely gives him/her strength and being loved deeply gives us courage. Love is when we look into somebody's eyes and go all the way inside to their soul. Love warms up our hearts and glitters our eyes but sometimes it may break our hearts and glisten our eyes, still we hope to live and hope to love.
' The Forbidden Love' is a search for true love which is hard to find and difficult to attain. Its not about getting what you desire but sacrificing all you desire for the happiness of the one you love because true love can never be found where it truly doesn't exist nor it can be hidden where it truly does. So let's unfold a love story where feelings change, relationships change, emotions change, everything changes except one dream and that is to truly love and be loved in return.
Story by : Stranger2Rose
Chapter 1
Rishabh Bajaj’s life was never smooth, at a very early age he lost his father, being the only child the responsibility of his mother and the house fell on his young shoulders but he didn't complain, he faced life with a smile and began working hard to earn a living.
After slogging for hours as a cab driver he still managed to keep that young and innocent boy alive in himself, thanks to the radiant smile of the love of his life, Tanvi and the comforting lap of his mother where he would find solace. Whole day's exhaustion would just disappear in minutes when his mother brushed her fingers through his hair and he would slip away in a peaceful sleep dreaming of a simple life with both of them. So everyday he'd wake up and work towards fulfilling this dream.
However things took a dramatic turn when he caught Tanvi cheating on him and why? Because she didn't wish to spend the rest of her life with a struggling driver, she desired money and a luxurious life which he couldn't afford to provide her. Therefore only to prove her wrong he stepped into an unknown dangerous territory of crime where he succeeded in making loads of money and attaining power but lost out on simple things of life. His lips no more curled into a smile, his eyes dared not to dream, how would they? When every night he'd drown himself into alcohol to forget what he did the whole day which included, How he soaked his hands with the blood of other's? how everyday he killed the innocent and vulnerable Rishabh in himself ? and how Rishabh Bajaj the Gangster became stronger and powerful, overruling him and his emotions?
Days turned into months, months into years and with each passing year the wall that he'd built around himself cutting away from the outside world, from any kind of relationship and from happiness in particular became harder and stronger till one day she entered into his life. She wasn't welcomed with open arms but still after remaining in isolation for years he gave himself and his life a second chance by marrying her.
With marriage his life treaded a different path, now he was not only the sole care taker of Ratnagiri but he was also responsible for the happiness of this new person who left her parents home for him to be part of his world full of blood and gun shots and most importantly who accepted him as he was without attempting to change him even a bit.
Although in his long life span he shared very few relationships but he always did justice to them, be it with his parents, sheetal , work and now his wife. For five years he was a dutiful husband, doing all that was necessary to keep her happy and their marriage going. However today he felt like a failure, and why shouldn't he? After all the most important person and relationship of his life was battling for her own life because of him, Because he refused to give in to what she desired.
Taking her soft hand in his, he glanced at the life saving machine attached to her which was monitoring her heart beat with a microcomputer. Her beats were now steady and regular unlike a few minutes back when they were weak and irregular making the device send out a series of electronic pulses through fine wires leading to her heart. He closed his eyes and thought back to the conversation they had a few days back.
He'd come back home after attending a meeting and found her sitting on the bed with her hands covering her face. He could see her shoulders shaking and hear her sobbing softly.
" what's wrong?" he asked worriedly walking up to her. His gaze fell on a big white envelope placed next to her. Picking it up he took out the papers from it and read them. They were her medical reports, once again her pregnancy test had turned negative. She was unfit to conceive still she didn't lose hope and underwent several medications and medical treatments much to his dislike because with every treatment she'd endure severe physical pain and when the results would turn negative then she would suffer emotionally.
Pursing his lips he sat close to her and pressed her shoulder," aren't we both enough for each other?" with tears rolling down her cheeks she looked at him and shook her head before saying," no. I want a baby."
It pained him to see her agonized like this but he was helpless, they'd done everything that was possible.
" you know we have been trying for years. But we can't fight against our destiny. Perhaps we aren't destined to be parents. But we have each other, don't we?" he lowered his head in disappointment and thought may be this was HIS way of punishing him. With his hands he'd taken away so many lives so maybe he didn't deserve to hold a new life with these blood stained hands.
" there is a way." She said staring at nothing in particular.
"what?" he asked turning his head.
" I can't be a mother but ..you can father a child."
"what do you mean?" he knitted his brows in confusion.
" I mean...you could..with someone else." She suggested gulping the lump formed in her throat. His eye brows ironed out as he realized what she meant, she wanted him to have a baby from some other woman! His eyes grew wide in shock and disgust. He stood up and wondered, had she really lost it? How could she even think that he'd do something like this?
" you've gone crazy." he barked through his greeted teeth.
It wasn't easy for her as well but for the sake of having a child she was willing to take this huge step. Fresh tears glistened her eyes seeing his enraged and disappointed form. He curled his fingers in a fist and took a deep breath to calm himself down. He could understand her eagerness but what she was suggesting was absolutely impossible for him to do.
Holding her by her shoulders he pulled her up slowly and said," we can go for adoption." She cupped his face in her hands and replied," but he won't be like you..his face..his eyes ..his smile..won't be like you." She wished to mother his child, she wanted to nurture his flesh and blood and not adopt some random child.
"please agree. For my sake." she pled, fighting hard to hold back her tears.
He flared his nostrils in rage and went out without uttering a word leaving her crestfallen.
For days he ignored her hopeful eyes, avoided talking to her fearing that she would definitely come up with this topic again. He worked more, spent most of the time out and came home only to sleep and that too after having his daily doze of whiskey. She also started taking the assistance of sleeping pills to induce some hours of sleep. Knowingly or unknowingly both of them were drifting away from each other but neither of them was willing to bow down.
One such night, lying on the bed he was staring blankly at the ceiling above while she was tossing and turning on her side of bed.
" can't sleep?" he asked huskily. She turned to look at him then rolled over and snuggled close to him," if you say yes ..we both could sleep peacefully."
He held her hand that was on his chest, her glass bangles tinkled, he liked that sound then closed his eyes in despair before asking," where will we find such a woman who would give away her child?
Seeing him at least discuss the issue and not push it right away, flickered a hope inside her and she lifted her head to say something that made him explode like a volcano," there are some women who..for money..."
His eyes snapped open, she wanted him to sleep with a prostitute? The very thought cringed him and he sprang out of the bed. How desperate could she get to have a child that she was even willing to put their marriage at stake? He felt sick to the stomach!
" you know earlier I used to feel sorry for you. But not anymore." Shaking his head in disgust he stormed out of the house only to get a call in the wee hours of the morning informing that she was in the hospital after taking an over doze of sleeping pills.
He questioned himself, Was he really wrong by refusing her so that they could hold on to this relation which they'd shared for so long?
Her fingers moved slowly in his hand pulling him out of his thoughts. He sat on the bed close to her, pressed his forehead against hers before kissing it softly. He looked deep into her eyes with a quivering smile playing on his lips, she glanced back for a moment then turned her head to the other side taking her hand back from him.
" how are you feeling?" he asked softly.
" as if you care." She retorted
" of course I care." He replied in a hurtful tone.
" if you really cared then today I wouldn't be here." She stated turning her head in his direction.
He pressed his lips and lowered his head thinking, why wasn't she understanding that what she was asking for was not so easy, it would jeopardize their marriage forever?
" before dying you had promised mummy ji that you would always keep me happy." She reminded him of the promise that he had made to his late mother.
Lifting his head he glanced right back at her and asked bitterly," and what about the promises that I made to you when we got married?" how could she overlook the vows that they'd taken? How could she forget that he'd promised to be faithful to her?
A tear trickled down her eye on remembering the promises that they had made to each other while encircling the holy fire on their wedding day. He came closer to wipe off the tear and questioned," do you think all this is very simple? What if we don't succeed?" What if things didn't turn out as she had planned?
" but at least you can try...just once." She urged.
He stood up and turned his back to her, should he really give it a try? Should he take the risk of bringing a stranger between them?
" I promise I'll never ever ask you for anything more." She requested lending her hand out.
She was the only one who he had in his life, if he said yes today, he feared that he might lose her someday but if he said no then he would definitely lose her, there was no doubt about that. Clenching his jaws firmly, he raised his hand slowly and placed it on hers, believing that one day she'd surely regret this!
********************************
Few days later when like every morning he was brushing his wet hair, he saw someone's reflection in his mirror. A young dusky girl, black eyes, extra pink cheeks, sharp nose, thin lips was smiling back at him. He turned around in surprise and narrowed his eyes. Placing her hands on her waist, she shamelessly swayed in her low cut, tight fitted blouse and long skirt. He pursed his lips in anger, how dare she enter his room without his permission?
" who are you and what the hell are you doing in my room?" he roared. She was a little taken aback by his tone nevertheless she continued to chew on her bubble gum then blew a big bubble that burst right in front of him, making him even more furious. Before he could open his mouth again to scream, his wife entered.
" shalini , who's she?" he asked glaring at the girl standing.
Placing her hand on the girl's shoulder and after taking a deep breath she replied,
" Rishabh ..this is ..Prerna ."
a stranger beckoning to enter their or should I say his life.
PS - I know in today’s times when surrogacy is an option then actually sleeping with another person isn’t important But in this ff it’s Very Important!
Chapter 2
Prerna Sharma a simple and a beautiful girl lived in the slums of Mumbai. She was God's favorite child when it came to showering sorrows and hardships on somebody. Her father passed away just a few days before she opened her eyes in this world, therefore she was considered inauspicious.
However her mother doted on her and for her Prerna was her priceless possession. Thinking that Prerna needed father's love as well, she married once again to shashi and that was the biggest mistake for which not only she but her daughter also paid later on.
Shashi an alcoholic and jobless gambler did nothing to earn a living and only survived on the earnings of his wife. Prerna grew up seeing her step father fight and beat her ailing mother. He was a heartless and shameless man who would spend money on his drinks instead of buying medicines for his wife as a result one day she too left prerna’s side. Her world fell apart still she managed to gather herself and continued living a lonely life.
The only things that kept her going were talking to the stars at night hoping that one of them were her mother and remembering her mother's words that one day someone really caring and loving would definitely come in her life and take her away with him. Other than these things she loved listening to music especially romantic songs on her age old radio. The love and romance in the songs would take her to a different world where everything was nice, sweet and perfect. She lived happily in her dream land waited for her prince charming to come and sweep her off her feet like any other young girl. In her dreams she would see herself embracing someone closely, listening to his rhythmic heart beat, feeling his warmth around herself but could never see his face, still she was in love with her dream and truly believed that one day it would surely come true, after all she wasn't asking for the impossible.
Thus with a smile on her lips and faith in her Krishna Ji she faced everything that came her way, be it the wrath of her father or the abuses that were hurled at her at the places where she worked as a house maid.
However one day life took an imaginably new turn when her father was put behind bars for cheating on somebody. He'd borrowed Rs 7000 which he eventually lost in gambling. Although she was never loved by him and didn't have the much needed money still she couldn't let him rot in jail so went to the police station to get him released somehow and that's when Naveen Babu, the cop got smitten by her beauty. He agreed to free and repay the debt on behalf of shashi but on one condition that he got her daughter married to him.
Shashi without blinking his eyes said yes, didn't even care to think that in the absence of Prerna how would he survive, after all she was the only one earning, the sole thing that he wished was to be out in the open at that point of time hence the very next day for a meager sum of seven thousand rupees Prerna was sold, nope married off to Naveen
So was Naveen her dream man? No, how could he be? He was a leach a monster who craved only for her body. Every morning she'd wake up with a blistering body ache and puffy eyes questioning, would these traumatic and forceful nights ever end? With every passing moment she was dying a slow death and one day everything killed inside her when her husband who had been married several times and who after sucking as much pleasure as he could from her left her in a brothel , again for money.
Music was still part of her life but not the way she'd wanted. Now every evening she danced in a beer bar to some raunchy song being played in the background. As far as talking to the stars was concerned that was out of question, nights were spent in a different way, satisfying lustful and sensual needs of men.
In no time she was reduced into nothing but a money making lifeless piece of flesh. She no more dreamed, how could she? When sleep hardly invaded her eyes and the desire of being loved eluded her completely when her heart stopped beating after witnessing the harsh realities of life.
Its said that there is light at the end of the tunnel, maybe god thought of sparing her for some time when destiny came knocking at her door.
One day shalini , a rich powerful yet dejected wife approached her.
" how much do you end up making in a month?" shalini asked crossing her hands in front of her chest.
"hmm around 20,000." Prerna replied with her chin held high, she earned the maximum amongst all the girls around and she was proud of the fact.
" what if I offer you one lac for a month and ten lacs for ten months?" shalini said titling her head slightly.
Prerna’s eyes popped out and her mouth formed a perfect 'O' on hearing her offer. She had indeed pressed the right button, shalini thought and continued further," in these ten months you'll only do what I'll say."
Still in a state of shock, Prerna nodded her head and hoped that the lady standing in front of her told her what she was expected to do, for ten lacs she would do anything.
Shalini paused for a moment then added," I want a baby."
Prerna looked at her carefully, she seemed to be a married woman with vermillion filled in her parting and mangal sutra dangling around her neck.
" listen madam if you want a baby then ask your husband not me...nonsense!" she blurted. Shalini went quiet and her eyes scattered the floor.
" what? Can't you guys even manage a baby on your own?" she chuckled in amusement. Shalini didn't enjoy being laughed at, still gathered her courage and told the entire plan to Prerna that she wanted her to carry her husband's child, till delivery she'd stay with them and afterwards leave the child and go away with her sum of ten lacs forever.
Always been accused of breaking homes, today a wife herself was inviting Prerna to sleep with her husband, she sniggered at the thought. Ten lacs wasn't a small amount and considering that money till date played such a crucial role in her life as she was married off for seven thousand, then again sold off for money and every night she made nothing but money so money was all over the place, the lack of it ruled her life but now with ten lacs in her kitty, who knows she might get an opportunity to live on her terms in future. So without thinking twice, she agreed to the proposal.
"so when do I get started?" Prerna asked eagerly.
" tonight..however you'll only have one night to conceive." Implying she was required to spend just one night with him.
" just one night? What if I don't get pregnant?" she was confused and touched her belly at once.
Sighing deeply shalini replied," then you get nothing."
It was a gamble, if she got pregnant then well and good but if not then she would be back to square one.
" oh my god, it's like a twenty twenty match. Either a six or clean bowled." She laughed at her own joke and then rubbed her hands in glee before declaring," but I'm ready."
shalini nodded her head and took her to a clinic to ensure that she wasn't HIV +ve and was capable of bearing a child, she didn't wish to take any chances.
***********************************
From a slum to a wife abuser's house then to a brothel and now Bajaj mansion , life was no doubt long and unpredictable for Prerna . Her first encounter with the mighty gangster and godfather of Ratnagiri was not like the one she'd expected it to be. He was rude and enraged on seeing her in his room.
She'd dismissed his whole behavior as a pretence, as per her he was just trying to portray a goody goody husband's image in front of his wife. She'd dealt with countless men in these three years and knew them inside out therefore ignoring how he'd reacted in the day she took a shower, wore her skimpy blouse and skirt, did her loud make up, pouted in front of the mirror before deciding to approach him as soon as he returned home late at night.
Without knocking at the door she barged inside his room, Rishabh was startled and furious to see her again.
"how dare you enter my room? Get out. Now!" Rishabh growled like a raging tiger. She smirked inwardly, he was simply playing hard to get. Coiling the loose strand around her forefinger she batted her eyelids ," you know this angry look on your face makes you all the more desirable?" then took a few steps towards him, she raised her hands to touch him but he backed off. She smiled naughtily and sat on his bed.
" tonight not in a mood? Never mind. But at least let me look into your dark pools and drown myself. " She said stretching her legs exposing a good amount of them to his already infuriating eyes.
In one frenzied motion he grabbed her hand, dragged and threw her out snarling," next time if I see you here I swear I'll break your bare legs." Fallen on the floor with astounded eyes she watched him slamming the door shut on her face.
Chapter 3
Shalini, deep in thought was thinking how to set things right between Rishabh and Prerna . She remembered an angry Prerna coming back to the adjoining room last night after being thrown out by him. He was stubborn, he wouldn't give in so easily, she knew that but even she was desperate to have a child and for that if she'd face his wrath, she was all prepared.
However here she was not in the picture, it was Prerna who had to get her way with him but HOW? That was the question.
After finishing buttering the toast she placed it on his plate quietly, he preferred to engross himself in the newspaper rather than talk to his wife who had gone crazy as per him, most of the house workers were given a few days off, she didn't wish them to be around when supposedly all that would transpire between both of them.
Stretching her arms in the air, Prerna came down the stairs, yawning without covering her mouth. She gave him a sidelong glance while pulling the chair close to him then crossed her legs while sitting on it, he was avoiding her she was aware of that however he couldn't help being uncomfortable with her presence and shifted his weight on his chair making her chuckle.
" tea?" shalini asked softly.
" yeah." She replied instantly, morning tea was a must for her day to kick start, she couldn't live without it.
" how much sugar?"
" no sugar. I need to keep myself in shape. In fact good shape." she said while winking at him then leaned forward to grab an apple from the fruit bowl, purposely brushing her hand with his in the process. Fuming at her shameless behavior he dropped the newspaper aside and left the dining table gnashing his teeth.
Prerna slapped her forehead, thinking here he goes again.
" shalini..i mean madam ( how could she address shalini by her name?)"
" di. You can call me di."
" and him jeeju?" Prerna chuckled .
" okay jokes apart di, why is Mr. Bajaj acting so pricy?" she questioned in confusion, she didn't know why he was behaving like this. Shalini rolled her eyes in response, she was badly hoping that the ice would break between the two but things were turning from bad to worse.
" you know last night I was wondering where do I lack. I'm beautiful. Have a flawless skin and a figure to die for. And most importantly I'm willing. Then what is his problem ?" she said before biting hard into the apple. With men throwing themselves at her and leaving no opportunity to take advantage of her she was finding it hard to digest his indifferent act.
Shalini looked at the way she was munching on to that apple along with sipping tea by making those irritating and weird noises. She didn't lack something but a lot of things, her way of dressing, talking, eating, sitting everything was so loud and different that indeed it was difficult for him to accept her.
Shalini gave Prerna her red sari and helped her drape it properly, then pulled prerna’s hair down into soft curls. Make up was kept minimum even though Prerna was insisting on wearing her bright red lipstick, it matched with the sari she thought however shalini didn't allow her to do so. Everything should be simple and subtle as per his liking including the amount of blabbering she did. Shalini instructed her to behave with him as decently as possible, her over the top attitude would not go down well with him.
Prerna glanced at the mirror, she definitely appeared different. Crossing her fingers shalini hoped that he liked Prerna tonight.
********************
Pushing the doors slowly Prerna entered his bedroom, scenes of the previous night when he had thrown her out flashed across her mind, she shivered slightly remembering them, what if he admonished her this time too? Swallowing the lump in her throat she moved forward, he was sipping on to his drink with his legs resting on the table. Good, she was sent now when he was drunk, this would make things easier for her, shalini was a smart woman she thought.
He saw her coming in, tonight she appeared different, simple and lady like, without loud make up the sight of her was arresting but what he admired the most about her were her guts, after being chucked out she didn't give up on him, maybe such was the power and hunger for money.
His ice cold intense gaze was piercing through her body, the fact that till now he hadn't reacted outrageously encouraged her and she stepped in further. His glass was now empty, she picked up the bottle and refilled the glass without tearing her gaze away from him. His calm and non repulsive attitude was making her all the more confident, maybe her new avatar was casting its effect on him, the way she'd hoped.
She lowered herself to sit on the arm of his chair but before she could do that, he stood up holding his glass and walked to the nearby window. She shook her head on seeing his back face her. He gulped down the whole glass, the bitter liquid burned his throat and he relished every drop of it. He was glancing out with a faraway look in his eyes when he felt a pair hands snake from behind, come up and finally stop on his broad chest. She rested her face sideways on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
Tightening his grip around the glass he sneered," can't wait to slip under the sheets?"instantly her eyes snapped open and she brought her hands down. He turned around and looked at her from head to toe making her feel as if she was some piece of dirt.
"what did you think that just as you have changed your clothes I will also change my mind ?" he mocked at her. She opened her mouth to defend herself but one glare from him and she went all silent.
" I'm drunk but I still know who is in this sari." If she thought that by making him drunk she could get her way with him then she was absolutely wrong. He took out his wallet and threw all the money he had on her face, she turned her face to the other side in response.
" you want money right ? then take it and get lost." he said through gritted teeth. Lowering her head she clutched the edge of her sari in her fist as he insulted her one more time.
" you haven't changed. You're still a prostitute in my eyes" he cringed at the sight of her. Tears of rage and hurt pricked the corner of her eyes.
"a wh*re like you.." she didn't allow him to finish and shouted back, " ENOUGH ... Not a word more."
Raising her head sharply she looked right into his eyes, instead of blood now anger was running in her veins. Enough was enough, how dare he think so low of her? her mind screamed. Yeah, she did all this for money but then who doesn't work for money? He himself was a gangster and killed people for money, she was at least better than him, here she'd come to bring a new life into this world then how dare he question her integrity and character?
Fuming in anger this time she left his room but not before giving him a piece of her mind,"I didn't come here on my own...your wife begged me to sleep with you...therefore show this anger to her not me..I'm not your wife, I won't take this crap from you."
Prerna went back to the adjoining room where shalini was sitting. Seeing her stomping her foot, shalini knew that again her plan had backfired but she wasn't expecting things to turn so ugly. He had this habit of not to think before he spoke when he got angry and hurt the other person however tonight he'd taken all this a bit too far.
" Prerna come with me ..let me talk to him." Shalini said firmly.
"no ways. I don't wish to get humiliated again." Agreed she was a prostitute but then she also had self respect, moreover this was a husband wife issue, shalini should've made him agree before bringing her here. If he wasn't willing to share a relationship with her then they should've sorted this thing between themselves, why was she being made to face his flak unnecessarily? Her chest was heaving up and down in rage when shalini held her wrist and took her along.
"di ..i'm not coming." She said in irritation, however shalini ignored and barged in with her.
He flared his nostrils on seeing both of them. Shalini left her hand and Prerna took a step back, standing behind shalini in a way that she could only see him partially.
"Rishabh , you shouldn't have behaved like that."
"now you'll teach me how to behave and that too with her." He replied glaring at Prerna whose eyes were scattering the floor, she was looking everywhere except him.
Shalini followed his gaze and said softly," she's in this house for us."
Clenching his jaws he spat back," what was the need to get this filth in our house?"
Prerna flinched on hearing his bitter words and tried her level best to maintain her cool, she was standing here tolerating his nonsense only because of shalini , in whose eyes she'd seen that despair to have a child.
Closing her eyes for a moment shalini attempted to explain the situation to him.
"you only tell me, who else besides Prerna can help us?" he turned his head to the other side as if this whole thing was irrelevant for him.
" no girl takes up this profession by choice."
His eyes ever so slowly moved in prerna’s direction who had her head bowed, somewhere even he knew that she was not at fault and was venting out his frustration on her without any reason, but then he was helpless he couldn't give in to what shalini was desiring.
" do you know Rishabh , who pushed her into this dirt ? her own husband! To save his own skin her step father got her married to a corrupt police officer who later sold her for money ..in all this what's her fault?"
He curled his fingers in a fist, all that shalini was saying was making him feel guilty, but still out of guilt he couldn't sleep with her, it was impossible for him to do that, he stared at Prerna who brushed her finger at the corner of her eye where a lone tear was threatening to roll down.
For the first time someone had stood up in her defense and that too a wife against her husband! Otherwise wives and girlfriends always shielded their husbands and boyfriends from her, badmouthed, insulted, cursed and accused her for breaking their homes and relationships but never for once understood her plight and accepted that their respective partners were womanizers. Somehow shalini today managed to earn respect in her eyes.
" even then I can't do it. It's impossible for me." he refused flatly.
"why not? Don't you want someone to call you papa and me mama?" she urged with glistened eyes and wondered couldn't he see the eagerness of her becoming a mother in her eyes? How could he be so selfish?
"I can stay childless but I can't cheat on you." He too wished to be a father and could feel her restlessness but for that he couldn't giveaway her right to somebody else.
Prerna raised her head and glanced at him in amazement, for years she believed that men were sw*ne, not her fault, every man she came across was desperate to get into bed with her without caring what effect it would have on his family and here was a man who was adamant on not taking advantage of her, not cheating on his wife even when his own wife was allowing him to do so. She was dumbstruck seeing his loyalty.
" you're not having a relationship behind my back. This is not cheating. You're doing this for us." Why was he thinking that he was betraying her? it was only a matter of one night, what was hers would always remain hers, she was aware of the situation and all this was happening only for their baby, they would only gain out of this and not lose anything, she believed.
Rishabh shook his head in frustration, seeing her turn a blind eye to the future. She was destroying everything that they shared with her own hands and the worst part was that she wasn't willing to acknowledge that.
"just to have a baby you're bringing a third person in our lives. Can't you see that?" In desperation to become a mother, she was forgetting that she is his wife first. To gain something you need to lose something but here they were losing everything. In an attempt to take their relationship to another level she was shaking the very foundation of their relationship.
Prerna watched him silently, he was a gangster, who are not expected to have moral and ethics but he was so different. He desired to do justice to his marriage, he was giving so much respect to his wife and their relationship that she couldn't stop herself from getting impressed by him and comparing him with her cop husband, a crook, a fraud who only abused and tortured her.
Those cruel, bitter words and that obnoxious behavior were his attempts only to safeguard his marriage not that she'd had any intention of ruining their relationship, she knew why she was here and would leave forever after doing her job.
This whole conversation and his stubbornness was now getting on to shalini's nerves, she stepped forward and held his collar, shaking him a bit before reminding him," Rishabh , you'd promised me in the hospital ."
Rishabh wrinkled his nose in fury and freed himself from her hold then declared," and now I decide to break that promise."
Shalini stared at him wide eyed and started walking back in defeat.
" yeah break your promise and ruin everything ..turn selfish and ruin me..my happiness ..my desires ..and my dreams ." With that she left the room leaving a confused Prerna and enraged Rishabh behind.
Prerna didn't know who was right or wrong, all she could see was a couple who was failing miserably to understand each other's point of view and accusing the other one of hurting him/her. if one wished to move ahead the other desired to hold back. If shalini's sacrifice of allowing her husband to have a physical relation with another woman baffled her then his loyalty and commitment towards his wife touched her.
The anger subsided within her and now her heart was only filled with sympathy for both of them. She wished all this hadn't happened with them, she wished she didn't have to come in between them.
He glared at her retreating back, how easily she'd blamed him for her misery? He picked up the glass bottle and smashed it on the floor, he looked at Prerna and wondered how easily she'd brought her in their and in his life in particular, even if it was for just one night.
He held their wedding photo frame kept on the table and threw it down. Glancing at the red sari that Prerna was wearing he thought, how easily she'd forgotten that this was the same sari which he'd gifted her on their first marriage anniversary, his blood was boiling with anger when his gaze fell on the bed which they'd shared for years, how easily she forgot the nights that they'd spent together? And after forgetting all this she conveniently wanted him to spend the night with some other woman in the same sari and on the same bed.
He smirked a devilish grin, if she could overlook everything so conveniently then so could he, if she could turn so insensitive then so could he, if she didn't care about their present and future then so wouldn't he, if she wanted it this way then it would happen this way.
With that he banged the door shut, startling Prerna for a moment.
She saw him approaching her with blood shot eyes, automatically her feet began moving backwards till she hit the bed and fell on it after losing her balance. She knew what was coming but was she prepared for it? She didn't know neither he gave her the time to think so.
He was on top of her, pressing himself on her, he was anything but gentle as if punishing himself for doing this awful act. Her bangles tinkled, reminding him of shalinii, his head shot up instantly, no she wasn't shalini, no he wasn't making love to his wife but some stranger, the expressions which had relaxed for a moment disappeared the next second. He grabbed her wrists firmly not allowing the bangles to make the sound which he loved hearing. This time he was even more harder and brutal on her, she wanted to wince in pain as the bangles broke and pricked her skin but she didn't protest, she knew what he was going through, the pain that he was enduring on himself was much more than what he was inflicting on her. Squeezing her eyes shut she allowed him to continue till he felt something wet in his hands, he glanced in the direction and found blood trickling down her wrists. He immediately left her hands and glanced at her with guilt, shalini's words that she'd been abused and sold off by her husband, that no girl gets into this profession willingly echoed in his ears. He looked at her pain stricken face and felt horrible, he hated himself for behaving like an animal with her, she was only here for their sake, so that he could be a father and he was punishing her for that? What he was being forced to do, she'd been doing it every night for years yet he couldn't understand her plight? Shame on him, he was disgusted with himself.
She opened her eyes slowly and looked back into his dark pools, there was no passion, love or desire in them, instead they were filled with hurt, pain and guilt. Both of them with teary eyes gazed at each other, their emotions were mixed however deep down the feelings that they shared were the same. They could feel the other person's anguish and helplessness. She lifted her hand hesitantly and placed it on his cheek, as if ensuring that she was with him in this. He held her hand which was on his cheek and dipped his head down slowly then with his other hand he pushed away the bedside lamp which went crashing on the floor plunging the room into darkness. He hoped that this darkness would swallow his dark act. She wrapped her arms around him, this time he was soft and tender.
She could feel droplets on her face, whether they belonged to him or her, she was unsure, she only knew that tonight somewhere they'd connected and for the first time she didn't regret sleeping with an unknown man.
Chapter 4
The first rays of a bright morning filtered the room which was heavy and tensed. All that could be heard was systematic and regular punching of fists against the hung punching bag which now seemed worn out, however arnav was relentless, he kept on hitting it with as much force as possible in an attempt to push away his thoughts. However neither those disturbing thoughts were leaving him nor his anger was coming down. He circled the leather bag, kept himself on his toes and continued to punch it harder every time.
Rishabh Bajaj , a man of principles who always respected women, in fact women and children felt safe and protected under his reign, today hated himself. Someone who always safeguarded the honor of women by eradicating flesh trade from ratnagiri and punishing those who indulged in it, today saw himself as a culprit. Like any other immoral and unethical man he too had spent a night with another lady. In spite of being married, in spite of being committed, he'd dared to let his morals down.
His nostrils flared in rage as he struck again and again, alternating between cross punches and jabs. He stopped for a moment, inhaling his own scent, beads of perspiration hung from the tip of his nose, he glanced at his knuckles which were covered with wraps instead of gloves, they were bruised and were aching, still that physical pain was nothing compared to what misery his heart was going through. He stretched his fingers then curled them in a fist one more time and began assaulting the punching bag again.
He didn't know what was making him more furious, the fact that his own wife had made such an outrageous suggestion or that he'd acted upon that suggestion. As much as he liked to believe that he ruled his life but still reality was absolutely the opposite. Tanvi’s deceit killed the innocent Rishabh and gave birth to ruthless and gruesome Rishabh Bajaj. Her betrayal, her hunger for money forced him to walk on a path which had no u turn. She pushed him into a dark dungeon which had no ray of light, only loneliness and bitterness accompanied him. He spent the next few years in gaining power and shielding himself from getting emotionally hurt. Physical pain he could endure but no more heart breaks. He was like an ocean, peaceful at one moment and infuriated in the next one. He needed happiness and stability in his life, that's what his mother thought and for that she felt that he should settle down in life with someone who could accept him with his past and present, someone who would love him the way he was.
Therefore shalini was selected, she was the perfect choice and his mother had several reasons to support her decision, firstly, she was not new to them, she was the daughter of Manohar Shekhawat who was Rishabh’s mentor. Shekhawat was the one who trained Rishabh and before his eyes, Rishabh became the sole ruler and caretaker of ratnagiri. Secondly, shalini herself came from a family which had underworld connections therefore the sound of bullets and sight of lifeless bodies were not new to her and thirdly she was never intimidated by rishabh’s persona nor she was ever at awe of him, she saw Rishabh Bajaj the gangster and was willing to spend the rest of her life with him without any hesitation.
Once again the future course of his life was directed by someone else, he couldn't say no to her dying mother who only desired to see someone taking care of his son, someone showering him with love and happiness which he truly deserved.
After wandering aimlessly in life, he thought, more so hoped that shalini might be the destination he was searching for. His married life was smooth, devoid of any arguments that normal couples indulge into, there was no room for fights, how could be when both of them hardly interfered in each others decisions and gave the other one a free hand in leading their lives without imposing their thoughts on the other. With the passage of time he developed affection towards her, he didn't know whether he loved her not because after getting his feelings played by once he'd lost faith in that emotion and in himself, he wasn't sure if he could love somebody again but he definitely cared for her.
He was always there for her when they came to know that they couldn't be parents ever, for him it was always they and not her. He gave her much needed emotional strength and support during that difficult phase, not even once did he let her feel alone. He accompanied her to every doctor and cooperated with her whenever she underwent any medical treatment which were physically painful and emotionally draining. Seeing her go through so much he many a times asked her to stop trying and accept this as their destiny but she was unrelenting and today because of her adamant behavior he compromised on his morals, principles and ethics, because of her today he was hating himself to the core.
He narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaws then began hitting the punching bag with more vigor whose seams by now had been frayed while the sand threatened to pour out any moment.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, attempting to stop him, he knew who was standing behind him and he turned around slowly, breathing heavily. Closing her eyes, shalini embraced his hot and wet form.
" what you did for us ..I'll never forget." She said holding on to him tightly, he smirked inwardly hearing her and said to himself, even he wouldn't ever forget what he'd done.
" now just pray to Krishna Ji that we get the happiness that we've been craving for so long ."
He gulped the lump in his throat, his body stiffened and his tongue licked the droplets of sweat formed on his upper lip.
He was quiet and firm, she looked up to him and asked," what's the matter ..why aren't you saying anything ?" he shook his head and replied," no ..I was just wondering ..."
She drew her brows together in confusion and he took a step back creating some distance between them before sharing his thoughts with her.
"what if instead of you I was unfit to be a father .." his rough and husky tone was somewhere disturbing her, probably she wasn't aware what was coming next. He slowly removed the wraps bandaged around his knuckles and continued," then for a baby..would you too have slept with" her eyes grew wide in shock and she yelled," Rishabh !."
She clutched the mangal sutra hanging around her neck and asked in disbelief," do you know what you're saying ?"
His eyes danced in amusement and his lips curled in a tight smile, it pleasured him to watch her distraught expression. Turning towards the punching bag he said casually," I was just a little curious ."
Pressing her lips together she stared at his back and justified herself," whatever I suggested was for our happiness."
This time he sniggered openly hearing her reply and shook his head then glanced over his shoulder and asked," okay tell if my last night's act fails to bring happiness in our lives then for Our Happiness who will be the next girl in Our bed?" stressing on 'OUR' happiness purposely he thumped hard when his fist came in direct contact with the leather bag, tearing it apart with all the sand pouring out, quite similar to his heart which had been ripped and was now bleeding, thanks to her.
She lowered her head and took a deep breath while seeing him leave the place in fury. Making him understand her point of view was always not so easy for her. Both being strong headed and stubborn, their thoughts often clashed however he always managed to find a middle path and thus solved the problem, for instance after marriage, shalini being all alone in the house wished to get involved in his business, she didn't want to confine herself to the four walls of Bajaj Mansion he disapproved her initially because her getting into his dangerous territories was simply out of question however he felt she could participate in the charitable works he undertook. So she began to administer the orphanages and nursing homes that he'd opened up for the people of ratnagiri.
With the passage of time her participation towards the betterment of ratnagiri increased, people loved and respected her. Enjoying this new found adulation, popularity and respect she desired to explore more. Shekhawat, her father was entering into politics, seeing the hold Rishabh had on the people of ratnagiri she urged him to join hands with her father and contest the elections. He refused her blankly, he was already successful and was doing whatever was required in his capacity for the upliftment of people around and didn't wish to taste more power but she was adamant and thought that by venturing into politics they could do loads for the welfare of their hometown.
One more time he agreed to compromise, instead of himself he allowed her to assist her father but on one condition that his reputation would never be at stake. That was the time period when they came to know about her infertility so he thought that it was best for her to divert her mind to something else. If she kept herself busy then she wouldn't worry about this issue, that's what he believed but he was wrong. The craving to have a child never left her and she took recourse to every possible medical treatment that was available. During the days both of them kept themselves busy in their respective works, would hardly get to see each other and no one complained. And nights were spent in making love..no not exactly. Actually what used to transpire between them couldn't be named as love making but an exercise to produce a baby. Their interactions were devoid of love and passion. Their failed attempts only made their relationship dull and emotionless. Usually a child strengthens a marriage where as in their case, the attempts to have a child was only weakening their marriage.
She was pushing herself, him and their relationship too far, to a point where now he was nothing but furious with her and she was aware of it, however still she believed that the day the news of their becoming parents would break, he'd come around.
For such a huge happiness, small sacrifices needed to be made and this he'd definitely realize later on.
With sweat oozing out of his body and rage out of his eyes, he stormed inside his bedroom, he exercised as much self control as possible to prevent his wandering eyes from falling on the object that he didn't desire to see, however all his defenses came crumbling down and involuntarily his gaze fell on that bed.
He curled his fingers in a fist at the sight of that wrinkled bed sheet which was narrating loudly as to what had happened the previous night. Knitting his brows together he walked towards the bed, her broken glass bangles lay in a corner along with her long black strand, the sheet was stained with the drops of blood that had trickled down her wounded writs thereby leaving the imprints of his beastly behavior.
His chest heaved up and down with anger boiling within him and in a swift move he grabbed that bed sheet and threw it aside. The glass pieces fell near his feet with a clinking noise. On his right side lay the broken wedding picture of his, a deep crack formed between him and shalini while on his left side those glass bangles. He didn't know what to pick, the wedding photo frame or the bangles, both were shattered and both were pricking his heart. Leaving everything as it was he barged inside his bathroom to wash out those haunting memories.
Stripping himself off his wet black vest and track pants he entered the shower cubicle and slammed the sliding glass door shut before turning on the shower. The hot water came cascading down, the heat from the shower filled the room and the heat from his body filled the air. He couldn't decide what was more hot, the water that was soaking him or the heat that was erupting like molten lava from within him. The shower instead of calming him down was adding fuel to the fire and that's what he wanted, he wanted to torture himself, punish himself.
He closed his eyes in pain, dizzying images of the night fluttered through his mind, he could still feel her soft delicate frame trapped underneath his hard and solid form. Why didn't she resist his touch? Why didn't she stop him? Why did she give in so easily? Did she consider him too like any other man lusting for her body or using her for his personal benefit?
He pushed the lever to further left, now the water was burning his skin, he squeezed his eyes firmly and brushed his hands through his hair combing them back, his hands slid down his neck where her warm breath had kissed him, then stopped on his cheek, he could still feel her cold and soft fingers against his heated skin, the part where she'd touched him so tenderly making him wonder, if she thought of him like any other man claiming her then why did her eyes convey something different?
As if they could feel the anguish he was going through, as if she trusted him with herself but how was that possible?
He slammed his palms against the wet tiles in frustration and glanced at his bruised knuckles which reminded him of her scraped wrists that were bleeding because of him. After insulting her, treating her so harshly how could her eyes still reflect his pain?
Disgusted with himself he turned off the shower, by now his whole body had turned crimson coz of the heat. The mist formed on the glass door blocked his view, he couldn't see the mirror placed opposite the shower cubicle. He raised his hand to wipe off the mist but stopped, did he have the courage to face himself? Did he have the guts to see himself in the mirror when the memories of last night were still so fresh in his mind? He shook his head in negation
When he'd be able to forget everything? When he'd be able to forgive himself? When he'd be able to accept reality only time would tell.
Chapter 5
Prerna observed as how after that night he avoided her, in fact since then they never came face to face. She still remembered his pain, his discomfort and his reluctance in agreeing to what his wife desired.
She respected his feelings, didn't wish to hurt him more therefore she too made an attempt to not come before his eyes. She got up late, till then he'd be out for his meetings so there was no chance of him seeing her and at night although she'd watch him from behind the pillar, drinking in the bar but she'd never let him feel her presence. The few days that she'd spent in Bajaj Mansion made her realize a lot of things about Rishabh and shalini, especially after she'd slept with him.
There was an undercurrent of tension in their marriage, though they never fought or argued like any other couple but they also didn't behave like a normal couple. Ripples were bound to get created in their relationship after the massive showdown they had that evening, however Prerna was of the opinion that things would eventually settle down between them but the way the events actually turned out left her surprised.
There was a disconcerting silence in their relationship, which she didn't question or discuss with shalini believing that she was an outsider who had no right to interfere in their marriage, still living under the same roof with both of them, these negative and hostile vibes disturbed her and her mind would involuntarily wander towards them and him in particular.
Today was Sunday, therefore no work and no meetings, in other words it was tough for her not to bump into him after all she couldn't spend the entire day in her room thus ever so slowly she came down the stairs. The two of them were sitting on the dining table for breakfast, as usual words were hardly being exchanged.
Prerna recalled the last encounter she had with him on the table a few days back, a giggle escaped her lips thinking the way she'd flirted with him and he'd looked so furious and innocent at the same time.
He noticed Prerna approaching them from the corner of his eye, he shut his eyes firmly and continued pressing his throbbing temples with his fingers. Since morning he was having a splitting headache. She observed his stiff form, she knew he disliked her being around but this time she couldn't help it, she was craving to have her morning tea. Trying not to annoy him, she pulled out a chair, slightly far away from him and sat on it with her legs crossed. He heard the creaking sound of the chair and pursed his lips while turning his head to the other side.
Shalini after buttering the toast placed it on his plate making him open his eyes, she smiled at Prerna and asked," tea?".
Prerna smiled back and nodded her head before replying," yes a little strong ." shalini was amused hearing her whereas Rishabh who hadn't had anything last night bit into his toast hoping that it would relive him of his pain. Shalini passed the tea cup to Prerna , she took a noisy sip to which Rishabh scrunched his nose, his head was already hurting and now her sipping style was only making it worse.
Shalini shot a quick glare at her, which she understood immediately and took a soft sip next time. Prerna was never used to this quiet atmosphere, this whole silence and on top of that his pressing his temples was bothering her to no extent. She couldn't understand why was he not doing anything about it? Why was shalini not giving him a pain killer to relieve him off this head ache? If it was hurting him so much then why was he enduring it?
" di ..give Mr. Bajaj some lemon juice." she suggested. Rishabh stopped chewing and shalini looked at her in confusion.
" lemon juice helps in getting rid of hangover. Perhaps last night he had too much. Or else go and throw up. Trust me you'll feel better." She looked at him while remembering how she used to make lime juice every morning for his drunkard father.
Shalini gaped at her bluntness and her choice of words, shalini's eyes shifted to Rishabh who was shaking his head thinking that this girl would never let him rest in peace, her concern instead of appeasing , cringed him.
Dismissing her suggestion he ordered," one black coffee ..strong."
" Rishabh I saw a piece of land for the shopping complex ..it's quite close to our factory." Shalini said while pouring hot coffee for him.
" shopping ...what?" Prerna made a face asking her. Her unnecessary intervention or should he say opening of mouth was now irritating him which didn't go unnoticed by shalini who replied in soft yet firm words," shopping complex is like a mall where there are quite a few shops to buy different items." Her stern tone clearly indicated Prerna now to shut up.
"the location is top class..however..some people have illegally occupied it." She completed herself and waited to know his reaction. He sipped on to the coffee silently pondering over the proposal, with every sip his muscles relaxed a bit.
" but through our means we can get them vacate that land." She said after seeing him not reply for so long.
" there will be unnecessary blood shed. Better find another site." He was getting tired of indulging into violence and that too for such petty issues.
This whole conversation was boring Prerna to death, moreover her empty stomach was now grumbling louder than before. She picked up an apple from the fruit basket and had just opened her mouth wide to bite into it when shalini pushed a sharp knife in her direction suggesting her to cut it instead of biting it. Prerna held the knife and murmured softly," sophisticated rich people. Huh."
" I'm telling you that location is not worth missing ..it's perfect for the shopping complex ..just think Rishabh , how much this project will benefit the people of ratnagiri."
Rishabh nodded his head slightly hearing her point of view, shalini had an intelligent mind and an innate business sense which he was aware of, the only difference between the two of them was that she followed her mind while he preferred to listen to his heart.
" and so what if some hurdles need to be removed ultimately in the long run the locals will be benefitted ." She said shrugging her shoulders when suddenly she heard Prerna hiss in pain.
She'd cut her thumb while listening to shalini, it shocked her to see how easy it was for shalini to suggest killing somebody even if it would benefit people at large.
Rishabh turned towards Prerna immediately on hearing her gasp, the cut was small but deep, how careless she was he thought. She took her thumb in her mouth to stop it from bleeding, she glanced at him who was watching her intently suck her thumb. A flicker of distress in his eyes for her didn't go unseen by her.
" so as I was saying you at least have a talk with the guys who have illegally occupied that site." Shalini said in an attempt to bring his attention back to the important topic that they were discussing.
" I know what I have to do. You just stay out of this." He replied through gritted teeth, at least in business matters he didn't like to be told what to do, he was capable of handling his ventures on his own.
Shalini took a deep breath on seeing him fold back the napkin and leave the table with his coffee mug, good at least now he would think about the proposal and do something about it for sure. She gave Prerna a tight smile who was looking back at her with furrowed brows, what kind of a woman was she, Prerna thought, one moment she was grinning sweetly at her whereas the next moment she was glaring at her and coming up with such a gruesome idea of eliminating people who dared to cross her path.
**************************************************
Prerna got off the bed and stretched her lazy body after taking a nap post lunch which was delicious to the core. She could still taste the spinach mixed with that ever so soft cottage cheese in her mouth. The days spent here till date were really comfortable and out of this world, she wasn't sure how long they would last hence was enjoying every moment of them.
Without bothering to stifle her yawn she walked out of her room in the corridor and crossed shalini's room, it was empty, she turned her head and looked to her left, the light of the study was on, he must be engrossed in some of his file, she thought then climbed down the stairs and gazed around the huge hall.
A maid was coming out of the kitchen, prerna stopped her and asked her about shalini.
" bhabhi has gone out ..should I get you something ?" the maid asked back . Prerna nodded a no, there was a time when she used to work herself as a house maid and today she had servants at her beck and call, she smiled inwardly and decided to stroll in the garden.
She was about to step out of the house when her gaze fell on the huge idol of lord Krishna which was placed at the end of the hall. She'd often heard the ringing of bells and shalini chanting some shlokas in the mornings but was never asked to be part of the prayers. Just like every piece of furniture placed in this house all the members living here even if they were only a handful, were also recluse, lifeless and silent, not to forget the idol of Krishna which too seemed to be watching mutely what all happened in this house.
The intoxicating scents of jasmine, lavender and roses drifted through the air as she breezed along the lush green garden. She enjoyed the colors and patterns that emerged in the changing light. There was a row of guava and mango trees. A fleeting smile spread across her lips as she remembered her childhood, the hours she spent sitting on such trees and the evenings that went by playing hide and seek around them. With a mischievous glint in her eyes she picked up a small stone and aimed at the hanging guavas, she frowned when she missed hitting the guava, maybe she was out of practice. Not the one to give up so easily she picked another stone, shut her left eye and concentrated hard before throwing the stone. She clapped her hands in excitement when the guavas fell down, picking one up she rubbed it with end of her sari, sat on a wooden swing then dug her teeth hard into it while watching the sun set in.
After some time she saw shalini coming back and walking in her direction with her shopping bags. Prerna rolled her eyes seeing her carry so many bags. Shalini placed them on the swing and began showing Prerna what all she'd bought.
" di so many saris?" Prerna asked surprised. There were almost half a dozen saris of different colors, fabrics and patterns. Shalini took a purple banarsi sari and placed it on her shoulder before replying casually," hmm..i couldn't stop myself ...just look at these colors and designs."
Prerna shook her head in agreement, yeah all the saris were indeed pretty, must've been hard for her to let go any.
" you spent almost the whole day in this shopping." Prerna said while examining the fabric of one of the saris.
" as it's sitting at home I had nothing much to do. So it was a good way to pass time."
Prerna cocked an eye brow thinking, wow what a way to spend time by splurging the hard earned money of your husband, oh that reminded her of something and she asked," Mr. Bajaj...what did you get for him?"
shalini gave her a twisted smile and answered," Rishabh is happy with his limited wardrobe ..moreover our choices don't match..he prefers to shop on his own."
Prerna concluded that They were indeed a very strange couple with both being poles apart. Shalini picked up a bag that she'd kept it on the grass and took out a simple pink cotton sari. She tossed it on to Prerna’s lap and said," this is for you."
It kind of surprised Prerna that she'd not bothered to get anything for her husband but remembered to buy something for her however the way she'd thrown it on her face definitely didn't go down well with Prerna . Agreed that she was here to carry out a deal with shalini but that didn't mean she had the right to treat her as her servant, Prerna never accepted charity and would never compromise on her self respect.
" I already have many outfits of this color. Di you give it to someone else." Prerna said keeping the sari aside making it clear that she didn't want it.
Shalini narrowed her eyes and thought, even though everyday Prerna was wearing her discarded saris but today she was showing her attitude..huh.
Rishabh was opening the door of his car when Prerna spotted him and whispered ,” Mr. Bajaj “ Shalini turned around following prerna’s gaze, Rishabh stopped for a minute to inform her," tonight I'll be late."
Shalini nodded her head and began keeping the saris back in the packets.
*******************************
Shalini after having her last morsel went up to her to sleep, Prerna watched her retreating back and fidgeted with her glass bangles making some sound in otherwise quiet hall. She paced up and down just to kill her time, she wasn't used to of going off to bed so early for obvious reasons.
Her gaze moved around the empty dining table and empty hall, there was so much of emptiness in this place which was quite depressing, although her own life was no better but then she had nobody to call her own whereas over here even though both of them projected an image of a happily married couple still they were so distant from each other. They hardly got to see each other during the week days and today despite being Sunday both having no work still had no time for each other, when he was here alone, she left and when she came back he left her..weird..they were together but miles away leading their separate lives and the most astonishing part was that neither of them cared, as if they had zero level of expectations from each other..what kind of a marriage was this?
No matter how much she tried to mind her own business but with having nothing to do and just these two along with some servants roaming around here day in day out, she couldn't control herself from thinking about them.
The entrance door banged shut bringing her out of her thoughts, she saw his swaying form coming in, she hid behind a pillar when he crossed the hallway to approach the bar. Already drunk, Rishabh opened the whiskey bottle to pour in more, the weird sweet/foul tasting liquid burned and soothed his throat at the same time.
This was how he spent his nights, drinking to the point till his head dropped then falling asleep on the nearby recliner. With each glass of drink that he gulped down he hoped that the images of that incident would become hazy, the pain in his heart would lessen but nothing of that sort ever happened. He continued to live under the shadows and miseries of that night.
"Mr. Bajaj, Don't punish yourself." He heard someone say, he opened his drowsy eyes wide and adjusted them to focus on the figure that was slowly coming towards him.
Prerna halted her feet at a safe distance from him. She didn't know why but it disturbed her to see him punishing himself for something that he'd done unwillingly. He stared right back at the person because of whom he was suffering.
" just get out of my sight. OUT." he growled, flaring his nostrils.
" Stop blaming yourself for that night. You weren't at fault." She said without getting perturbed by his outburst.
He tilted his head slightly and glared at her, wondering how dare she say that he wasn't at fault when he knew clearly he'd disgraced his marriage. How dare she say that he shouldn't punish himself when he deserved to be punished for taking advantage of her. Tightening his grip around the glass he was holding he considered himself no less than any filthy animal who had slept with her before.
"Mr. Bajaj...you're not a bad husband and di is very fortunate to have you as a life partner." She truly believed what she said, he was indeed a wonderful husband when compared to her step father, her ex husband and all the men who she'd ever come across.
He smirked at her face, yeah he was a very nice husband, a husband who had broken all the marital vows by sharing a bed with a stranger and his wife was lucky to have a life partner like him.
" I'm surprised that in one night you've known so much about me." he blurted after emptying the glass that he'd filled.
Here he was blaming and torturing himself for wronging her and she without blinking an eye gave him a clean character certificate when she very well knew what he'd done with her. Instead of loathing him she was sympathizing with him?
" you don't need a lifetime to know someone. Sometimes just a moment is more than enough." As per her that night they had shared a few close moments where she realized how guilty he was for his act? How desperately he wanted to hold on to his marriage even if deep down he knew that he was losing it. That night was totally different from the nights that she'd spent with other men, those moments were devoid of lust and hunger instead were filled with sorrow, anguish and regret.
In her eyes he had done nothing wrong, whatever happened didn't happen out of will but out of compulsion. He did something which his mind body and soul were not allowing still he went ahead and hurt himself just to protect his wife from getting hurt.
She turned around to leave but before that said something that hit him right across his heart.
"You're a nice man."
Why was she hell bent on proving him innocent? When he wanted to hate himself, curse himself then why were her words forcing him to feel different? When he couldn't dare to see himself in the mirror then how could she see something that was not there in him?
He saw her walking up the stairs, she turned her head and smiled at him. A smile that reached her eyes, a smile that he didn't reciprocate but a smile that was trying slowly to lift a heavy burden off his heart.
Chapter 6
Throwing the red towel hanging around his neck aside he picked up his black shirt and pushed his arms through it. He turned to reach for the waist coat but shalini went for it first, that's when he realized that she was also present in the room. She held the coat for him, his gaze travelled from the coat to her face and stayed there for some time before he lifted his arms to wear it.
He busied himself in folding his sleeves when she came from behind to adjust his coat. Her worried eyes gazed at him to read his mind but his face didn't give away anything. His mind was concentrating hard on the proposed meeting till he felt her fingers buttoning his shirt.
" I'll do it." He said curtly holding her hands but she didn't stop, she buttoned all of them leaving just the first one open. Without meeting her eyes he tried to walk past her however she blocked his way and said," I need to say something."
Looking straight at the door behind he replied before taking a step forward," not now. Later."
She grabbed his arm to stop him and insisted," Rishabh ..just two minutes." He raised his hand and glanced at his loosely hung watch, he had some spare time but did he wish to spend it on her? pursing his lips he stood rigid, expecting her to get done with what she wanted to say.
" yesterday I took Prerna to the hospital ..and today her reports would be ready."
He clenched his jaws firmly on hearing her, this was one thing that he was trying 24x7 to forget and was failing badly.
"I'm really nervous." She said anxiously, this was the last option in her hands, she'd pinned all her hopes and desires on this one. Leaning her head on his shoulder she continued," if something wrong happens this time...I'll be devastated."
He curled his fingers in a fist and scrunched his nose, her anxiety, her apprehension, her fear all were real and genuine, he could feel them but what he felt, what he desired, she never understood. Till date she didn't realize his true feelings, instead of Us/Theirs there was always I, Me, Myself in her talks, even when she would use the word Us there would actually be no Us in it.
Her hand travelled down his arm, forcing him to open his fist as she added further," will my dream come true?" and entwined her fingers with his expecting him to reassure her somehow.
A part of him wanted to hold her, sooth her, comfort her like before and even wished that her dream came true because he knew that having a baby meant the world to her but today something from within him was holding him back, the concern and affection that he had in his heart for her were losing their sheen and he couldn't bring himself to fake those emotions.
" I'm running late." He said while jerking his hand from her hold and left the room without uttering another word.
**********************************
Prerna’s head was spinning seeing shalini pace up and down the hospital corridor, they had come half an hour before their appointed time and since then shalini was doing nothing other than walking around nervously. Chewing on her gum Prerna thought that today was a very crucial day for all of them especially for the lady in front of her who had put her marriage and her husband's desires at stake for this child. If things turned out as shalini had planned then all of them would be relieved, she would get a baby she craved for so long, Mr. Bajaj would also probably come around as what he did was only to save his marriage and extend his family and lastly with those ten lac rupees she wouldn't have to go back to that hell, she concluded.
Shalini saw a mother coming out of a room carrying her infant in her arms. Her heart filled with desire on seeing that cute little baby, she wondered would a day ever come when she'd hold his child in her hands? She had and was waiting impatiently for that day to arrive. She glanced at the women sitting on the bench outside the doctor's cabin, most of them appeared tensed. Someone or the other must be in the same position like hers, dying to experience the bliss of motherhood. She remembered the countless number of times she'd visited various doctors to get her infertility treated while the result has always been negative.
Her thoughts got interrupted when a nurse called both of them in.
With bated breath both stepped inside where the doctor was waiting to give the reports. She offered the closed envelope to Prerna , who felt a lump form in her throat, before she could act, shalini grabbed it from doctor's hands.
Prerna gulped and looked in shalini's direction, her fingers were trembling, she closed her eyes and thought of Krishna Ji before opening the envelope.
Shalini forgot to breathe as she read the contents of the reports, it was only when her gaze fell on the words 'pregnancy test positive' that she took a deep breath. Slowly her lips stretched in a smile and she raised her head to look at the doctor who confirmed that Prerna was indeed pregnant. Her heart jumped with joy and a wave of happiness flowed through her body as she turned to glance at Prerna .
Cupping her face with one hand shalinia spoke through glistened eyes," you have no idea how happy you've made me today."
Prerna stared blankly at those warmth and loved filled eyes, she didn't know how to react and for a moment everything seemed to black out.
" Prerna ..you need to be careful during the initial months." The doctor informed.
" don't worry I'll take good care of her." Shalini assured and listened carefully to the instructions which the doctor was giving out whereas Prerna was still lost in her own world unable to believe that she was actually pregnant! that she was carrying someone's child in her womb! She lowered her head and touched her belly, the whole thing would take time to sink in.
Shalini one more time read the report and shook her head then took out a bundle of notes from her purse and gave it to the doctor.
" instead of Prerna’s , the reports should carry my name and obviously this thing shouldn't be leaked out." Shalini dictated in a firm tone. The doctor smiled and nodded her head before replying," okay ma'am."
When they'd entered the cabin similar emotions of anxiety and nervousness were running through them however when they came out, their feelings were different if shalini was ecstatic then Prerna was still in a daze, instead of the baby she thought there were butterflies in her stomach. Minutes ago she was hoping that she was pregnant and now, she was really pregnant!
After settling themselves in the car, shalini dialed Rishabh’s number.
" Rishabh , can you meet me at Krishna mandir?" shalini said excitedly.
" but you were supposed to go to the hospital ..what happened?" He asked raising his brow.
" leave that just come to the temple." She couldn't contain her happiness and wished to break this news in the temple.
" I'm not sitting idle." He said in irritation, he had more important things to do than visit the temple.
" your work can wait but I can't."
He opened his mouth to protest but before that she'd already disconnected the call. He rolled his eyes, his wife was now getting on to his nerves. If she could act stubborn then so could he. He would go there only after finishing his meeting.
*******************************************
The car was stopped at a sweets shop where shalini bought several boxes of sweets before reaching the temple. The happiness and enthusiasm in her eyes was clearly visible to Prerna , she was glad that she could bring a smile on somebody's face. After getting out, shalini held one box and instructed the driver to distribute the rest of the boxes among the people of Ratnagiri who'd gathered there on seeing her car arrive.
Prerna climbed up a few steps along with shalini however she stopped in the middle on realizing something. Shalini looked at her in confusion to which Prerna said," di..you go I'll wait here."
Shalini shrugged her shoulders and without questioning further, stepped up the stairs whereas Prerna sat in a corner from where she could still see the big idol of lord Krishna ji . It had been a very long time since Prerna had visited any temple, she blamed lack of time as the reason behind however deep down the real reason was quite different. She believed that people with a pure mind BODY and soul deserved to visit such pious places and she was clearly not one of them. She was impure, dirty and not worthy enough to stand before Him.
She remembered her childhood when she used to make idol of krishna out of clay, decorate and worship it during janamashtmi . The long and endless talks she used to have with Him, treating Him as her closest pal. Could she do all that again? Her eyes moistened as she questioned herself and turned away her gaze from Him to one of the devotee who touched his ears then rubbed his nose before Him to seek forgiveness. She wondered glancing at Him once again, if she too did the same, Would he forgive the dark sins she'd committed in those dark nights? By folding hands and shedding tears of remorse, could she come out clean before Him? She shook her head in negation, she'd been tarnished beyond repair.
A part of her wanted and did blame Him for all the mess that was there in her life, after all nothing in this world happens without His consent and she didn't remember what grave mistake she'd committed to deserve a life like this.
The cheering of the huge crowd broke the terrain of her thoughts, by then the news that Rishabh Bajaj and his wife would soon be parents had slowly spread around, it amazed her to see how everybody was showering respect and love on shalini who was giving away sweets to them.
Shalini saw a toddler asking for more sweets, she smiled and caressed his face while giving him more and hoped that she too get a cute child like him, then she'd love and pamper him to no extent.
"di, it's amazing , these people respect you so much." She heard Prerna say softly. Turning her neck and with pride in her eyes she replied to Prerna ," money talks."
She believed that these people who had lowered their heads in front of her, respected and loved her for the power she carried.
Prerna wished to disagree, she felt that the warmth and love in their eyes were not out of fear, these people seriously respected her a lot. She opened her mouth to speak her mind however stopped on hearing a jeep coming to a screeching halt.
Rishabh had finally arrived after finishing off his meeting. The crowd greeted and made way for him. He slowly began climbing up the stairs. An overjoyed shalini met him half way. With furrowed brows he asked her," all went well in the hospital?" she smiled through her tears and attempted to dispel all his doubts. Digging her face in his chest, she embraced him and replied," you're going to be a father soon."
His heart skipped a beat and for a moment his senses went numb on hearing her. His brows ironed out and his eyes softened, he raised his arms to hug her back but just then his gaze fell on Prerna .
Their eyes met and held for a few seconds till she gave out a soft smile. That's when he realized how and under what circumstances he was going to become a father. Instead of his wife some other woman was bearing his child, his hands dropped automatically and his hard frame stiffened.
Shalini after straightening herself held his hand and said," I've kept a small puja for us."
Rishabh wasn't a very religious person, he believed in himself more than on any external force however at the same time he didn't show any disrespect towards Him. He bowed his head before Him when it was expected of him, otherwise he wished to write his destiny on his own.
The puja got over, pundit ji gave both of them Prasad and blessed them for their journey into parenthood. Rishabh was quite surprised that the priest knew that they were going to be parents. His face wrinkled when he asked shalini," why did you disclose this news to everyone?"
" after nine months when I'd be holding a baby in my arms then what would everyone say?" she replied calmly. As per her she'd done the right thing, after all people of Ratnagiri should have been aware of this important news. Nobody would question them later on.
" couldn't you find a better place to break this news? For god's sake this is a temple!" he said looking straight into her eyes, his tone was challenging. It annoyed him that she'd spread this news so soon. She should've controlled her emotions and not gone overboard.
" Rishabh , I didn't lie. Eventually I'd be known as the mother of this child." She replied pointing the index finger to herself. She'd only twisted the truth.
standing in a temple it amazed him to see how shamelessly she'd lied to everybody around. She rolled her eyes." What's wrong with you ? Today is such a happy day for us. Let's not fight."
He shook her head in disappointment, there was no point in arguing with her, she'd never accept her mistake.
An old woman came up to them and congratulated, Rishabh not wanting to be part of this lie left from there. Prerna saw the woman blessing shalini, she resembled her late mother a lot.
Prerna smiled slowly watching her and thought, had her mother been alive today, she would've also caressed her face like that. Tears welled up in her eyes, been so close to her mother she wished she was alive today to see her daughter stepping into motherhood.
She touched her stomach lightly, the smile that was there a few seconds ago disappeared instantly. No, her mother would have died out of shame after knowing that her daughter was an unwed mother, that she'd sold away her womb for some money. Prerna shut her eyes in pain, she'd failed as a daughter. Her mother would've hated her had she been around. Tears threatening to roll down from her closed eyes she hoped or rather wondered that wouldn't her mother understand the circumstances under which she'd done all this?
" Prasad" she heard a husky voice. Opening her eyes she saw Rishabh standing before her, she immediately dropped her gaze and pushed back her tears. He'd seen her sad and gloomy expressions, was she regretting her acts?
She extended her hand and opened her palm for the Prasad, his fingers touched her softly while giving it to her and it surprised her that he came all the way down personally to offer the Prasad. His eyes didn't leave her face, trying to gauge what was going in her mind.
" let's go home." they both turned towards the owner of the voice who was shalini. Rishabh silently stepped down while Prerna and shalini followed him behind.
*****************************
The pure and soothing moon light made its way through open windows. It was past midnight as Prerna stirred in her sleep. The whirlpool of emotions and feelings that she'd gone through the day had taken a toll on her senses forcing her to retire to bed early. She woke up to a dry throat and looked around for water. The maid had probably forgotten to keep the water flask in her room. She went down to the kitchen to have water and was coming out after having it when she saw some light coming from the end of the hall.
On her own accord her feet began to move towards the light. She caught sight of him, he was sitting on the bar stool twirling the glass of whiskey in his hand. His ice cold gaze froze on her, both looked into one another's eyes and searched for the hidden emotions. A day that had marked a huge change in their lives had failed to mark a change in his eyes. They were still grim and lonely.
" Mr. Bajaj, you look upset." her direct and blatant statements always hit him right through. Somewhere it amazed him and somewhere it annoyed him to see how effortlessly she deciphered his thoughts. He directed his lips towards the glass and gulped its contents down his throat.
" you'll be a father ..then shouldn't you be happy today?"
" even you're going to be a mother ..does that make you happy?" pat came his reply or question taking her completely off guard. Although he spoke less but whenever he did, he either crushed or touched something inside her. lowering her head she turned around and without replying slowly walked back to her room.
Since evening he had observed a change in her behavior, instead of celebrating this big news with shalini she had gone all silent. She and shalini were the only ones who had benefitted from this deal then why wasn't she happy about it? In the temple why was she on the verge of tears? Not one of those who held their thoughts back then why was she avoiding his gaze? What was bothering her so much?
Not getting an answer to any of his questions, he too began climbing up the stairs to his room.
Prerna opened her cupboard and searched for her priceless possession, her age old radio that her mother had bought for her. tonight she was missing her a lot.
She stared blankly at the lines on her open palms, things were and would never be under her control. She was a puppet in HIS hands. Circumstances and situations ruled her life and she simply flowed with them.
She gazed up at the stars out of her window and thought about the various roles she'd played till date. From a daughter she became a wife then a prostitute and now a mother but in all these phases of her life where was the real Prerna ? She was nowhere to be seen. Today she was here to give this couple a child but after nine months where would she be, she had no clue. What future held for, she didn't know. She was simply walking and embracing whatever was coming her way with the hope that it might lead her to happiness.
After that dark night, it was for the first time that Rishabh was stepping into his room at this hour. He looked around and tried to register everything through his drowsy eyes. Finally his gaze fell on that bed where his wife was contently sleeping, the same bed which he'd shared with her for so long. He moved towards it and stared at it. Instead of the time spent with his wife, the night shared with another woman flashed before him. He flinched and cringed on remembering those moments, nope he couldn't sleep on that bed again. The thing that belonged to them , the room that was theirs had now been invaded by someone else making him feel like a stranger.
He flopped down on the couch and closed his eyes, hoping that those memories would fade with time, hoping that he'd accept what life was offering him like always.
