IshRa OS: Broken.

"And in the end, we were all just humans...Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." -  Christopher Poindexter.

'Gatsby was a fool.' Ishita looked up from the book that she was browsing through, only to come face to face with Ashok. Not knowing how to respond to his statement, she merely raised an eyebrow.

'What? You don't agree?' Ashok gave her a cynical smirk.

Ishita looked at the man standing infront of her. Really looked at him for may be the first time since she had known him. She noticed the way he stood, the confidence he exuded. The cruel twist of lips that had almost become a part of his personality. But these facets of him were nothing new. In fact, these were the only things she had seen since she had met him.

But now, now she saw how hard he tried to project that he didn't care. It was almost like he believed that to care was to be weak. Like he would rather hurt people before they hurt him. This time she saw the pain that was reflected deep in his eyes.

And though she didn't want it, hadn't gone looking for it, in him she found her kindred spirit. Someone going through the same pain that she had been going through for weeks now. Someone who understood, without her having to say anything. Someone who would not tell her that things would be okay. Who would not ask her to keep faith. Someone who didn't pity her.

If anything, he almost seemed amused. As if, he had been waiting. As if, it had been only a matter of time before he was proved right. And as if, he had been praying, that this time, he would have been wrong.

'I won't necessarily call him a fool. I think he was an optimist. He never gave up hope.' 

'He never accepted the reality he lived in. That's not an optimist. That is a man in denial.'

'And is that so bad? Not accepting your circumstances? Hoping that this is just a phase, and like all things, this too will pass?'

'And if it does? What then, Ishita? Will you be able to let it go? Will you be able to forget that your husband is on a holiday with his ex-wife and my girl-friend at this very moment? That he lied to you about it.'

Ishita looked up at him. She did not need to say anything. Her silence spoke volumes.

Ashok looked down at her face and felt utter helplessness. She was trying to bravely will back her tears, and he had no idea how to respond. In his war with Raman, a war that had now become his life, Ishita had always been a lowly pawn. Someone he did not give any thought to. Someone who was just a distant figure, Ruhi's new mother. Nothing else. In this war, a war that he didn't want in the first place, there were only three players. 

He was used to tears from women. Shagun used them on a daily basis. That's what had earned her a new BMW, and that diamond necklace from Tiffanys. Those kind of tears he was used to. But these tears, that signified pain and not manipulation, which rolled down a person's eyes despite their efforts to stop them, he had no idea what to do when confronted with them.

'I am sorry Ishita. I didn't mean to hurt you.'

She did not say anything. He took out his handkerchief and gave it to her. her eyes looked at it, then his face, and then back to the handkerchief. If this moment was not so tense, he would have laughed out loud. And suddenly he realized, how long had it been, since he had actually laughed? Felt the sound vibrate deep with in his chest, and then forced out of his throat? How, he wondered, had his life come to this?

Ishita hesitated a second, and then took his handkerchief out of his hand. she silently wiped up her tears and blowed her nose, too late realizing whose handkerchief she was using it for. She looked up at him in embarrassment and was surprised to find him trying to smother his laughter. And may be it was his company, or the fact that she had never thought him to laugh with such abandon, or the fact that she hadn't expected him to apologize to her, or the fact that in that moment, she didn't felt so alone anymore, she couldn't help as laughter bubbled up her throat as well.

'Want to join me for lunch?' Ashok asked her sometime after they had stopped laughing.

Not knowing if that would be appropriate or not, she tried of thinking of a good reason to deny him. As if he could read her thoughts, he said, ' Come on. Believe it or not, devils like us need to eat too. Got to keep up the energy for all the conniving plots.' He said with a grin. 

Ishita was taken aback by his smile. His real smile, not the cruel smirk he kept on wearing.

And to be honest, what reason did she have to refuse? There were no appointments with her patients today, Ruhi was at her school, and she'd rather not go to her home, to their room and be reminded of how alone she was, while Raman was probably sharing a room with Shagun at this very moment.

'Ok. But I'll choose the place.'

'Will you try to force down Idli's down my throat?'

'No. Just for a day, I don't want to be predictable. We'll go to Leonardos. I hear they make some mean Spinach Ravioli.'

'Perfect. Let's go.' Ashok said, opening the door of the bookstore for her.

'You know Ashok, you are not as bad as you want people to believe. Why the pretense then?' Ishita asked while they waited for their order.

'What makes you think I am not so bad?'

'Well, here you are, having lunch with me, because you felt bad that you hurt me. No matter that it wasn't your fault.'

'May be I have an ulterior motive. May be I want to show Raman that if he spends time with my woman, I too can spend some time with his. May be I just want to prove a point.'

'Ah. But that could have been achieved with the visit at the bookstore. Why ask me to lunch? Why apologize?'

Ashok said nothing to that, and looked around for the waiter. 

'I know why I am with Raman. Because I love Ruhi too much to leave her. But why are you with her?'

Ashok seemed surprised at her question. He wondered, when had anyone asked him this. He had been cast in a role. The home wrecker. The adulterer. The man who had no honor, who thought nothing of snatching a wife away from her husband. Who thought nothing of breaking up a family. No one wanted to believe, that maybe, may be he was just too much in love. He looked up at this woman sitting across from him, a woman who was all the things he should want in a woman. Who would give any man a good life, a good family. But still he ached for her. Knowing that she was broken, that he would never be enough for her, that loving her would bring his doom, that his ending would most likely be like Gatsby. And he could think only one way of answering her question.

'I love her, and that is the beginning and end of everything.'

'Sometimes, you can't save them. Sometimes, they are too much in love with being broken. Then what?' Ishita whispered, looking at him with understanding. May be too much understanding. Like she had tried. Tried and failed. Like she didn't care any more.

'Then you shatter along with them.' Ashok whispered back.

Both of them looked at each other, recognizing their helplessness, their reluctance to be a part of this game that had become their life. Understanding their fates, that they will always be the second best. And in this nightmare, acknowledging their unlikely alliance. Knowing that they were not alone. That someone understood.

And it was not much, but amidst everything that was happening, it was everything.

None of them noticed when their phones began ringing, content in the small piece of silence that surrounded them.

Writer: Richa1792