The warmth of his breath had been brushing past her lips. His golden locks were almost about to touch her cheeks. Yet, he had suddenly stopped, as though in effect of a bitter memory.
She couldn't help traversing back to that night. She wasn't able to forget those lines that appeared on his forehead all of a sudden. She couldn't fathom the hidden resentment in his eyes whenever she looked into them. And... she also couldn't forget those words of his... "Jaanti hain na aap, hum aapko pasand karte hain..." (You know right, I like you?)
"Nashe mein insaan sach bolta hai..." ( A person speaks the truth under the effect of wine...)
That was what he had told her many moons ago. If he did mean it in the truest sense, then the clipped confession at the end of that night's encounter might actually be true.
But she didn't need Einstein's brain to know that he had come to like, if not outright love, her presence as much as she did. She had seen it in the sparkling of his eyes, in the dazzling of his smiles, and in the sheer honesty of his gestures towards her. She had felt the chemistry they had.
But what hadn't clicked her yet was his sudden aloofness. Unpredictable as her man was, his changed ways bugged her no end.
She mentally played a rewind to all the events in the past few weeks... but none seemed outrageous enough to have bothered him.
A sound at the door didn't let her dive deeper into the sea of thoughts, though.
~~~
"Chhoti Ammijaan!"
The kid came and sat beside her. It was unlike him to not look into her eyes with his big, curious ones. Instead, he kept looking down.
She kept her hand round his shoulders and asked. "Aapki Ammijaan ne daant diya kya? Tabhi itne naaraaz hain na Khan-E-Khana?" (Did your mother scold you? That's why you're angry, right Khan-E-Khana?)
For Rahim, his Chhoti Ammijaan had always been no less than a magician. And she had proved it to him yet again with her deductions. He instantly looked up to her, that curiousness of the eyes back. "Aapko kisne bataya?" (Who told you?)
She chuckled at the question, much to his annoyance. "Woh sab chhodiye Rahim, ye bataiye ismein naraaz hone wali kya baat hai? Aapki Ammijaan ko aapki fikr hai beta, tabhi toh woh aapko daanti hain..." (Leave that, Rahim. First tell me what's there to be angry about? She's your mother, she worries about you...that's why she scolds you.)
But Rahim was a boy wiser than she thought. "Haan humein pata hai Chhoti Ammijaan. Hum nahi naaraaz hain Ammijaan se, woh naaraaz hain humse. Kal hum unhein bina bataya hojre se baahar chale gaye the na, isiliye. Hum toh aapse poochhne aaye hain ki unhein kaise manaye..." (I know that, Chhoti Ammijaan. I'm not upset with her, she's angry with me. I left the room without telling her, that's why. I've come to ask you how to mend ways with her.)
"Ye toh galat baat hai na Rahim. Aapko har kaam apni Ammijaan ko bata kar karna chahiye, kitni chinta rehti hai unhe aapki. Jo aapse prem karte hain unse koi baat chhupaani nahi chahiye..." (This is wrong, Rahim. You should do anything only after seeking your mother's permission. You shouldn't hide things from those who love you.)
But Jodha didn't look up to see or hear Rahim's reaction to her words. She could hear her own words now. Jo aapse prem karte hain unse koi baat chhupaani nahi chahiye... ( You shouldn't hide things from those who love you.) His sudden naaraazgi made sense to her now. She realized she had been worse than Rahim in this case. Atleast the lil boy knew his mistake and how to amend it.
Rahim's voice brought her back to the present case in court. "Bataiye na Chhoti Ammijaan, ab kya karein hum?" (What should I do now?)
"Aap jaiye aur apni Ammijaan se baat karne ki koshish kijiye... hum jaante hain unhein, woh zaroor maan jayengi." (You go talk to your mother...I'm sure she'll be fine.)
And I hope he understands too.
As Rahim left, she too got up to follow the advice she had just asked the kid to follow. Jo aapse prem karte hain unse koi baat chhupaani nahi chahiye! (You shouldn't hide things from those who love you!)
~~~
As she strolled towards the his royal chambers, her mind moved faster than her feet did. It's going to be so hard.
She stopped to look at the moon for a minute, perhaps to get in all the peace that it supplied. But it only brought flashes of that charming face...
The guards didn't question her at the entrance, she was one of those who could enter without permission to the Emperor's room.
She entered slowly, cautious enough to make no sound. Though it was very well known to her that it would take only seconds for him to know the identity of the entrant. But she didn't want to spoil the tranquility of the night in general and this chamber in particular.
There he was... seated on the couch, one hand on his sword pinpointed on the ground and a goblet of wine in the other. His golden locks, the ones she so loved, almost sparkled in the bright moonlight. He looked every bit of the royal he was.
Before she could take another step in, is majestic voice cut through the air.
"Aaiye Jodha Begum... kahiye kya shikayat hai humse..." (Come in, Jodha Begum. What new complaints do you have with me now?)
She could feel his gaze on her and could picture that part bitter, part sarcastic grin on his lips. But she didn't dare to look at him. Without replying to his vague question, she quickly walked towards the jharokha, her back now facing him.
It was disrespectful to let the emperor face one's back. But there wasn't an emperor and his empress here. It was a husband-wife talk, and perhaps both Jodha and Jalal understood it without saying.
"Humein koi shikayat nahi hai aapse, Shehenshah. Bass aapse kuchh kehna chahte the..." (I don't have any complaints with you, Shehenshah... just wanted to say something.)
She realized it had suddenly become a lot more difficult to talk to him, even though not facing him was helping a bit. Such a stark contrast to the days when she could simply look into those deep eyes of his and say, like anything! And they would fight and argue and then laugh at it for long. Maybe after all, time does change people.
Maybe he couldn't look into those mirror like eyes of hers, but Jalal could easily picture what went inside them. He knew there was a reason to everything she did. He knew from the tone of words the vulnerability of the heart from which they came. He knew her. But the memories of her secret night voyages evoked in him something that washed away most of the Jodha he knew. It left him with only bitterness, resentment, and a lot of hurt.
"Humein toh laga ki aapne humse sach kehna chhodh hi diya hai..." ( I thought you had stopped saying the truth to me...)
These words of his were sharper and more piercing than he had realized. She was startled by the amount of distrust and perhaps traces of hatred he had developed for her. She could feel her cheeks getting hotter and a lone tear drop threatening to betray her eyes.
Unable to control her revolting self, she quickly turned back. " Hum aapse satya chhupana nahi chahte the, Shehenshah... humara vishwaas kijiye..." ( I didn't want to hide the truth from you, Shehenshah... trust me...) And the lone tear escaped her eyes to travel down her cheeks as she said so.
Jalal was taken aback by this sudden development. He was almost tempted to go and comfort her. Those brown eyes of hers seemed like a testimony to her honesty. She looked so innocent, so hurt herself, it was too hard for him to maintain his aloofness. But none of these thoughts made it to his face, he sat as still as he was before.
Back to his icy cold self, he started, "Ye lijiye Jodha Begum... thoda jaam pee lijiye... aap toh jaanti hi hain ki nashe mein insaan sach bolta hai..." (Take this, Jodha Begum...have a drink... you know right people speak the truth under the effect of alcohol...)
Now this, really hurt. It hurt to see him so indifferent to her. Had he really gone that far away from me?
But his statement had made her realize that he was hurt too, perhaps more than she was at his aloofness. She wiped that tear off and looked straight into his eyes now. Jodha wanted her Jalal back, that very moment, and this thought filled in her a bit of much needed strength.
"Thik kaha Shehenshah aapne... nashe mein insaan sach bolta hai... aur agar nasha mohabbat ka ho... toh prabhav aur bhi adhik hota hai..." (You're right, Shehenshah... people do speak the truth under the alcoholic influence... and if it's somehow the influence of love, the effect's deeper...)
The passion with which his Jodha Begum had said those words, and the deliberate emphasis on mohabbat... were to Jalal things that happened once in a blue moon. It was such a task for his poor little heart to process those words. And more was to come.
"Aur aaj usi mohabbat ke nashe ne humein satya batane ka aadesh diya hai. Satya ye hai Shehenshah... ki Jodha iss jeevan mein aapke atirikt kisi aur ke vishay mein soch bhi nahi sakti... " (And today, the same love has compelled me to tell you the truth. The truth is that in this life, Jodha can't think of anyone but you...)
By now, Jalal was sure all of this was one of those numerous dreams that his brain imagined for him. How could life and his Jodha Begum be so meherbaan on him today?
All this while, he hadn't once looked up to see her. And this was bothering her no end. Here she was, speaking her heart out, and this man can't even look up?!
Without further ado, she took her seat beside him and held his hand, all the while looking into his eyes... hoping to gather what went inside her man. So startled was he by this sudden development, he almost shook his hand away.
But probably his hand too was so accustomed to this pleasant touch, it came back to hold on its own. Now that she was so close... it was impossible not to look into those brown orbs of hers.
When he finally did manage to do so, he realized it felt like home. The home he had been missing all along.
She wanted time to stop here, at this very moment. How terribly had she missed those clear, innocent eyes of his, devoid of all bitterness for her. Eyes in which she could see herself... his Jodha.
But more doubts had to be cleared before time could finally be free enough to halt.
"Kya aapko sach mein laga ki hum kisi paraye purush se milne jaate hain? Sujamal Bhaisa se milne jaate the hum... aur aap... aapne na jaane kya kya soch liya..." ( Did you really think I would go meet another man? I went to meet Sujamal Bhaisa...and you...what all did you think about me...) More tears welled up as she finished.
Somewhere, it hurt a lot to think Jalal thought so low of her. But to him, it hurt even more to think he had doubted the loyalty of his Jodha.
He held her hand more firmly, this time, and shook his head in a no. "Haalaat hi aise the Jodha Begum... hum aap par shaq nahi karna chaahte the... lekin..." (Circumstances were like that, Jodha Begum... I didn't want to doubt you...but...) He didn't know what more to say.
And she didn't even need anymore explanation from him. She knew him enough to know that what his words won't convey, eventually his eyes will. She looked at those deep-set, mirror-like eyes of his, and he looked back. There, that moment was a promise given and taken by the eyes or the mirrors of honest souls, to live together and more importantly... for each other.
It was then that both Jodha and Jalal realized that sometimes, silence is one of the most beautiful things in the universe. Sometimes, all explanations, apologies and regrets vanish into thin air. Sometimes all that matters is to be home, to be with the one you belong to.
