She is tired. The ever smiling, optimistic, resilient Khushi Kumari Gupta has reached the brink of pain she had never felt before. The chirpy, bubbly girl who always had answers to everything, has nothing to say today. Her feet give up on her and she drops to the floor with a thud, kneeling before her only guide, her only ray of hope.
"Devi Maiyya, why are you doing this?"
The question leaves her lips as she wipes a tear shakily, doing nothing to stop the stream that threatens to flow after. A throbbing soreness surrounds her throat. Her arms rest on the floor for support, her hollow whimpers flooding the halls of Shantivan in the dead of the night. The eight year old orphan in her stays afraid of the encompassing darkness and yet a broken part of her finds solace, as if this gloom alone can be the solitary companion to her sins.
She clamps a hand over her sobbing cries as the agonizing words he said earlier enter her mind.
"Do you want to know why?"
He seizes her by her shoulders, clutching onto her as his fingers bore into her skin.
"Do you want to know why I want to see you suffer?"
She searches his bloodshot eyes, demanding an answer to the question she had beat herself down with for the past few days. The silent moments are torture, their breaths heavy with helpless anger coursing through.
"Because I hate you," He snarls, as her scrutinizing gaze now shifts to anguished realization.
"BECAUSE I HATE YOU!"
His arms let go of her roughly. She cannot take her eyes off of him, taken aback by his sheer rage, languished in the search for truth, the reason behind destruction.
His gaze drops from hers and she can almost see regret flitting through them, wondering if she had imagined it. She purses her lips for even thinking so, for forgetting what she had known since the day she first met him.
Arnav Singh Raizada is incapable of emotions.
Her head pulsates overwhelmingly. She stands up from the floor, turning to leave when a shadow of a figure stands afar in the dark.
Arnav ji?
The figure approaches her and she makes out a faint outline, realizing that it is not him.
"Wh-Who is it?"
His voice sends shivers down her spine.
"Don't worry, Khushi ji. It's me,"
Her lips twist in disgust, wanting to run as far away as she can from this man that stands before her now, smirking filthily.
"Why are you quiet Khushi ji? Aren't you happy that we're finally alone?"
Her blood seethes with fury.
"You don't know how difficult spending nights are. I cannot sleep beside Rani Sahiba anymore..."
"BAS!" She snaps, raising her hand. "Don't you feel the slightest bit of shame, Shyam ji? How can you be so cruel?" The tears she tried hard to keep in escape freely now.
He rolls his eyes, looking away.
"How can you not realize that you're hurting the one woman who worships the very ground you walk on? How can you not-" She stops herself forcibly, unable to find a reason to keep speaking, knowing that this man will not understand. She wipes a tear and walks away, when he grabs her by her wrist.
"Don't say that, Khushi ji. You are the one I love, and have always loved,"
"LOVE?!" She yells, uncaring of who may hear, "Do you know how I feel? I loathe you Shyam ji, I detest you! I pity you and your disgusting ways!"
Finding him to stay quiet she continues to yell in a broken voice, draining it all away.
"Who do you think you are? Do you even understand how much pain you're causing everyone? Do you know how much it terrifies me every day that no one has the slightest clue about your true colors? Do you know how much it takes for me to stay silent? Do you know how much it hurts knowing no one will believe me, not even the man I love-"
A deafening void sets in. She watches as Shyam runs a tensed hand through his hair, fearful that her rising voice would reach someone upstairs.
Khushi suddenly feels an odd sense of victory as she sees the frightened look on his evil face, her resolute tone ringing in her own ears.
"Are you scared someone might hear, Shyam ji? Scared that this ploy of yours will come out in the open?"
"Khushi ji, listen to me-"
Her sleep deprived eyes shoot up to face his panicky stare, her stance visibly rigid.
"Leave. This. Minute. Else I know how to scream."
Shyam glares at her with rising frustration for a few heavily silent seconds, before hastening away, leaving her alone in the main living room of the dim, quiet house.
She unsteadily wipes her tears from her face. Her decision is made.
Khushi breathes in deeply before carefully pushing the door to his room, to their room open. He is standing in front of the closet, his back facing her. Without even needing to see his face she can already tell how tense his muscles are. His right hand is fisted against the closet door while his head remains bowed.
She steps in, locking the door. The soft click brings him back as they face each other slowly.
Neither speak, their eyes conveying volumes.
She takes tentative yet planned steps directly towards him, his confusion rising with the decreasing distance between them.
"What are you doing?" He manages, the softness in her gaze surprising him. He had just told her he hated her. Why is she behaving this way then?
As she stands just a few inches away from him, Arnav is reminded of something else.
"I hate you too," Khushi grinds out, putting a halt to his heart, "Much more than you hate me!"
Arnav winces at the fresh pain of the memory, the sentence she had uttered not too long ago by the poolside. "You hate me, don't you?" He inquires, his gaze piercing into hers, "Then why are you standing here? Why are you doing this?"
Khushi looks steadily towards him, her eyes never faltering. Suddenly the anguish of the past few days, the lies, the accusation of betrayal, of destruction, all begins to seem minuscule compared to the depth of her feelings towards this man standing before her.
She smiles, a tear falling to its fate with the simple gesture.
He sees her smiling and it feels as though his breaths are stolen, realizing he will never understand this enigma of a woman. He ceases to understand who she truly is. A lying, cheating actress, or a loving, nurturing soul? Who was the woman he saw that day on the terrace in the arms of that vile snake? Who is the woman who stands before him now, her heart lain out bare within her tear glazed eyes?
Khushi takes one last step towards her husband. Now is the time to wash away every ounce of anger, reluctance and hesitance.
If not now, when?
Her dainty right hand moves towards his chest, resting upon where his heart would be. His eyes are inscrutable as she feels the continual rise and fall of his chest, the rhythmic beating of his heart that now races under her fingertips.
"This," She whispers, looking up towards him, "Is this what they call hatred, Arnav ji?"
She takes his hand in her left hand, raising it to place the warmth on her heart. "Do you feel it? Do you feel what we share?"
Her heart beats steadily under his palm, his thumb unknowingly caressing the chiffon of her sari. His lips tighten as he closes his eyes, lost in the innocence of the moment when suddenly, he snaps.
"I don't know what the hell you're trying to do but you're not going to succeed," He takes his hand away from her heat, walking off.
She watches as his true expressions hide under a well constructed facade once again, his glare untrusting. It will take time and patience to make him see the truth, her truth.
"I know you don't want to listen to or believe anything I have to say. But that doesn't mean I'll ever stop trying,"
Khushi stuns him with her palpable determination. She moves closer, until they are yet again, just a few steps apart. She mentally thinks of everything she has to tell him, every detail leading up to that fateful night, every event that transpired negatively between them along with the sole cause of it all. She has to disclose the truth tonight.
Taking a deep breath, Khushi speaks.
"Arnav ji, there's something you need to know."
Writer : Its Rain
