Kasam Os : Love for all ages
Her head was reeling. She could not even fathom. He was her boss, her friend, no more than that. Her support, the man that became father to her fatherless daughter. He was so much to her but not that. He could never be that. Not a husband. He said he loved her, he proposed marriage?
It came back, her conversation, no her argument, with Rishi. He had told her of Abishek's feelings and she denied it. How did she miss it? She stood there, outside the house with all those moments going through her head. She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she did not even see him arrive.
"Tanuja, what are you doing? You left our home without even telling me. Why are you standing here?
It was the last thing she needed.
"Please Rishi, not now. Please just go.
"What do you mean not now? I want to know why you left me at the Coffee house and more importantly why you left our house.
"I said not now. Do you never listen? Stop coming here. Stop interfering in my life. I am tired of telling you the same thing. I don't love you. I am not coming back to you. So please just leave.
"You don't love me. Huh? Come on Tanuja, who are you trying to kid. What was that at the coffee house?
"I ... I "
"You what?
"I made a mistake.
"Oh, so you mistakenly found yourself at Coffee House Express and mistakenly fell into my arms crying and telling me you thought you lost me? Is that right?
"Yes! Yes! It was a mistake. I thought for a moment ... I hoped ... But maybe it wasn't a mistake. Maybe it was just a reality check for me. These last few days at your house ...
"Our house, Tanuja, our house!
"These last few days at YOUR house made me forget. It made think that there was a possibility. But it was all fake. I wasn't reality. And at the Coffee house I was brought back to reality. You are not mine Rishi. You are not mine. It is over between us. It has been over for the last 7 years. It was over the moment that you chose her over me. The love wasn't real. Because if it was that never would have happened.
"It's real Tanuja. It is very real. And you can deny it as much as you want with your words, but your eyes and your heart tell a different story. I do belong to you and you belong to me. For eternity. In this life ...
"Yes, I know the words Rishi. For all our lifetimes. Then why are we not together now?
"We can be together Tanuja. It all depends on you.
"I can't believe you would think that I could come back to you under the circumstances. What kind of person do you think I am? Please leave. I can't deal with you right now. I have other problems.
"What problems? Tell me, I can help.
"No Rishi, just go. She turned around to go back into the house as he couldn't handle this conversation any longer. She couldn't deal with him.
He grabbed her arm.
"Let me go Rishi.
"Tanuja. Listen ...
"I said let me go! she shouted.
"Fine he said, yet not letting go of her arm. "You want me to let you go? Is that what you really want? And think carefully before you answer Tanuja, because this time it is for good. This time I am not coming after you again. I am also tired Tanjua. I am tired of chasing after you. I am tired of my love being thrown back in my face time after time. I am tired of being humiliated in front of your "boss or whatever he is. It breaks my heart every time you reject me. Every time you deny our love. Just as it did then. But if this is what you really want, if it is what makes you happy, I will honour it, but please Tanuja please think carefully. Choose your words carefully. I love you with me whole being but I will let you go if that is what you really want.
She was struck by his words. She's heard it all but this time something was different. The pain was there, as were the tears, she seen it before yet it felt different as well. There was a hopelessness in his tone and in his eyes. She could only stare it him.
"Please Tanuja please his words were soft but it was a heartfelt plea.
Could she trust it? Could she trust his love? Would he protect her? Would he break her heart again? Natasha. Their little girl, could she trust him to be the father that he needed to be. He looked so sincere. She wanted to believe him. She loved him beyond all words. Then suddenly she was back at the coffee house and Tanya's words echoed in her mind.
"Mom and I missed you. Mom was so worried about you when grandma called.
Tanya, his daughter. His and Netra's daughter. His wife.
"I said leave me. she tugged her arm but she didn't need to, he had already let go. The defeat clear in his eyes. His shoulders even looked slouched.
"I have. I am. Again they just stood staring at each other as the finality of it all was starting to register.
"Good bye, Jaan. I will always love you. he said as he turned around and started to walk away.
He gave a few steps and his heart soared again as she called his name. He breathed a sigh of relief and closed his eyes. Then he turned around.
"Rishi, Natasha?
And his heart came crashing down again. That's all she was worried about. Her daughter.
"Are you prepared to share her with me?
"No
"I love you Tanuja, but even for you, I can't give up my daughter.
"Rishi please ...
"Good bye Tanuja he said loudly before she could finish her sentence.
He gave her one more look as he got into the car and then he was gone, leaving her suddenly feeling empty. She felt the hand on her shoulder. She sighed.
"We have to talk, Abishek.
"I know. he responded.
They went back inside the house.
"I am so sorry for the way I acted earlier. It was just such shock. I never ... I would never have thought that you felt that way. I mean yo,u that were always so against marriage and commitment. How would I have known?
"I am not sure myself. I can't say when exactly I fell in love with you but I am. We are already a family, I love Natasha and now I love you too. I was thinking that we could be a real family.
"That can never happen Abishek. I am so sorry. Surely you can see that I am still in love with Rishi. I've told you before. No matter the time, no matter what has happened I just can't stop loving him. I know he is a married man. I know he has a family and I am not the kind of person that would break up a home but I just don't have any control of my heart. I will always only think of Rishi as my husband, that is why I cannot get married again. It would not be fair on you. I am really and truly sorry.
"I understand. Can we still be friends?
She smiled.
"We can, but I have a lot to think of. I am not sure if we can stay in this house under the circumstances.
"Please Tanuja, don't make any rash decisions. Please, I promise, I will behave. he smiled.
She smiled back.
It's only been 4 days but it seemed like an eternity to her. He didn't call. He didn't come to the house, but yet she heard him speak to Natasha on the phone or via video call at least once a day. He never asked for her.
Now the day has arrived for the next court appearance. She hardly slept. She was petrified. She got up early but that didn't help.
"Mamma please, when can I see Mr. Handsome. I miss him. I want to play with him and Tanya. I miss dadi and dadu. I want to see Ahana Maasi and Chachu. Please mamma.
"Natasha, please it is early in the morning, we haven't even had breakfast and you are already on about Mr. Handsome.
"But why can't I go there. I want to go to his house. Please Mamma please.
"Stop it Natasha. Just stop it. You are not going there and that is final. She could not deal with her crying and demanding daughter right now.
"But why. Are you angry with Mr. Handsome? I am not angry, then why can't I go?
"I said stop it. You are just like your father, you never know when to stop. You just go on and on. Well I won't have it.
Natasha was crying even louder now, not used to her mother talking to her like that.
"Tanuja? Abishek said from the door.
"What! I still have to make breakfast and get her ready for school. I can't deal with this as well Abishek!
"Ok, calm down. I will get her ready for school. I can get Gauri to make breakfast if you want. You just calm down and relax.
"No, I will make breakfast. You get Natasha ready.
"You're sure?
"Yes.
"You'll be ok?
"Yes, Abishek. I am fine. but they both knew she wasn't. He left her to get Natasha ready.
"Pappa, why is mamma so cross?
"I think she is just a little bit stressed. She has a lot of work today.
"Pappa, why can't I go to Mr. Handsome's house?
"It's just big people problems, sweetie.
"But I am not big. Mr. Handsome misses me, I know. I'm sure he is sad, like mamma.
"Yes, I am sure he misses you. I would miss you too if I couldn't see you. You are my special princess.
"And I am Mr. Handsome's cuite pie
"Yes, yes you are. Now let's get dressed. At least that will make mamma happy, hmmm?
Happy? He knew Tanuja has not been happy in a while. And he knew why. And today would be challenging. Today he could lose everything. Rishi was right, if he won the custody battle, he would have Tanuja. She would go where Natasha is. He loved them both so much. He could not begin to imagine a life without them. Not all his wealth and success could compensate for losing them. He was so afraid.
Rishi made his way to the court room. He hadn't slept at all. In fact he hadn't really slept since that day. It was so difficult but he had kept to his resolve. He would not chase her anymore. But having to see her again was going to be so painful. And today would be the final nails in the coffin of their relationship. But he had already lost, because nothing meant anything without her. He loved Natasha, but Tanuja was his entire life.
He knew she was there as he always did. He felt her eyes on him. But he couldn't look at her lest he broke down. Today was only the verdict. He didn't know what to hope for. To win the custody and break her heart or to lose and to have nothing, not his love or the fruit of that love.
Finally the proceedings started.
"To be honest this has been an impossible decision for me. Mr. Bedi, you are asking for custody of your daughter that was kept from you for 7 years. Mrs. Khurana or rather Mrs. Bedi, you are asking for custody of the only family member you have, the daughter that you gave birth to without telling her father. Now she knows another man as her father. It is clear that everyone concerned loves the little girl so much. I am going to ask you something, before I make the decision. I would like to speak to Natasha. Would it be possible to bring her to my rooms in an hour?
It was a question but it was clear that they could not deny the judge. So an hour later Natasha was sitting in the judge's rooms with the judge as well as Rishi, Netra and Tanuja and AK.
"How are you beta?
"Fine. Who are you?
"I am a judge. I decide what is best for little girls like you. What makes you happiest.
"Really?
"Yes, really. So tell me who all these people in the room with us are?
"You don't know them? she asked innocently.
"I do but I'd like you to tell me who they are to you.
"Oh. Why?
"Because sometimes kids have to decide what best for the adults.
"Oh, I see. I can do that. That side is Mamma. She is very grumpy right now. She shouted at me. But I don't think she is angry at me, I think she is angry at Mr. Handsome. Mamma is very strict you know. Pappa and Mr. Handsome get scared of her. But I know how to handle her.
The judge was amused as was everyone else in the room despite the tension.
"Mr. Handsome? Who is Mr. Handsome?
"That is my Mr. Handsome. He loves me a lot, but Mamma won't let me go to his house.
"Do you like his house?
"Yes.
"Why?
"Because Tanya is there, and dadi and dadu, Ahana Maasi and Manpreet Chachu. And of course my Mr. Handsome. she smiled brightly at Rishi.
"And what about Netra aunty.
"Oh, she's ok. I didn't like her before. She told Mr. Handsome to scold me when Tanya and I had a fight, but now she is nice to me when I go play with Tanya. She makes me chocolate milk.
"And who is next to your Mamma?
"Pappa. she smiled at Abishek.
"And do you love your pappa.
"A lot. Even though he is scared of Mamma. But he always listens to me. And he plays with me and buys me toys. He is the best pappa.
"And do you like his house?
"Yes, but at his house it's only the three of us.
"So where would you like to live? At Mr. Handsome's house or Pappa's house.
"Mr. Handsome's house. Just like when Mamma hurt her foot. We all stayed at Mr. Handsome's house. It was so nice and now Tanya is back, it will be even better. Can we go back there Mamma?she addressed Tanuja.
Tanuja smiled tremulously.
"Who do you love most, Natasha.
She pulled her face as she thought very deeply.
"You can tell me the truth and it doesn't just have to be just one person. said the judge.
Immediately she looked relieved.
"Mamma, pappa and Mr. Handsome. she announced.
"You are such a lucky girl Natasha, they all love you just as much.
"I know she said with confidence.
"Your dadi and dadu is outside, do you want to say hello to them?
She nodded.
"Netraji, please can you take her?
They left.
"I have to ask a question of the 3 of you? You all seem to love that child so much. Are you prepared to break her heart by cutting any one of you out of her life? She loves you all equally. If you have her best interest at heart you will come to a joint custody agreement. I can do the verdict but I think its better that you 3 make a decision on your own. Would you like a couple of minutes to discuss this? You can stay here.
They all agreed.
Tanuja started first.
"Abishek, you trust me right? You are the person that gave me a home and became my best friend and father to my daughter. I would never do anything to hurt you. I know you will do anything for Natasha and I. So right now I ask you to give me time to speak to Rishi alone. Please will you take Natasha back to school?
"But the judge said ...
"Please Abishek.
He looked uncertain.
"Please.
"Ok. he left.
After a few minutes of silence he started.
"I missed you.
She swallowed.
"Rishi, please don't say things like that.
"Why does it make you weak? Are you losing the battle against yourself anyway, I said I was done with that. I won't say things like that anymore.
"Yes, for all of those reasons and because you are a married man. We both know I love you but the fact is, you are married. So this is going to make the joint custody difficult.
"How does that make it difficult Tanuja? The marriage makes it easier.
"Oh, so you think it makes it easier when I have to share my daughter with you and that Chipkali.
"Look, Netra is Tanya's mother and ...
"Yes, I know. Your wife has to have a say in the custody.
"Yes, my wife has to have a say. My wife can have all the say. The whole decision is hers. But she is making everything difficult.
"What, that Chipkali has all the say over my daughter?
"What? What do you mean?
"You just said your wife ...
"So what does that have to do with Netra.
"Everything. Don't play dumb Rishi. Or should I remind you of everything. Netra, the woman just left here. The one that you cheated on me with. Your wife.
"My wife? Tanuja, do you know me at all. How could I get married again when I only love you?
"You introduced her as your wife that first time you came to our house.
"And you introduced AK PK as your husband and is he?
"No but ...
"So you could lie about your marital status but I can't?
"But ... wait ... I'm so confused.
"What confuses you Jaan. I love you. You are my wife, my only wife.
"But Tanya? Why didn't you marry her if she had your child? How could you do that to her Rishi? How could you break our relation and not honour her?
"Tanya? She is not my daughter by birth. But she is ours. Remember that day that you told Smiley that you would take care of her baby as if she is your own? You have that chance now Tanuja. We can be parents to both our daughters.
"She is Smiley's daughter.
"Yes, and when Smiley left, after she had a fight with Ahaana, I knew I had to fulfil the promise you made to her till you returned, I knew you would return.
Again her head was reeling. So long they have been talking not to each other but at each other. So long they have been arguing and having misunderstanding, yet never have would she have thought this. She loved him yes, but she had given up on a life with him for his family. But he wasn't married. Netra was not his wife. But wait, that night. The night of the engagement. What they did, what she saw could never be erased from her memory.
"Whether you are married or not, does not matter. You cheated on me. You slept with her, while I was still in the house. I cannot forget that, neither can I forgive it.
"What! Me? Slept with Netra? When?
"Please Rishi, you made it an engagement and wedding night in one.
"How dare you accuse me of such a despicable thing? I could never do that to you?
"I saw you, Rishi. I saw you in bed with her.
"No that's not possible as it never happened.
"Please spare me. You cheat on me and lie on top of it?
"I was drunk, Tanuja. Remember? I passed out and when I woke up, I was in Netra's bed. In fact she woke me up. She told me ... then he suddenly had an epiphany.
"Oh no. She said she did something to you. But then she said she had you sign the papers. And then Beeji came and I went to find you, but I never thought about it again. Oh my ... "he held his head in his hands.
"I am such an idiot! I trusted her! For 7 years she lived with me. For 7 years I allowed her to raise my daughter. All based on a lie, on her conniving and deceit.
Suddenly he stormed out of the room.
"Rishi! Rishi. Tanuja started running after him. She recognised that he was beside himself with anger. She was so afraid. He was not thinking rationally. She had was scared of what he was about to do.
He didn't even see his family as his eyes focused on the object of complete and utter hatred, the person that stole his family for 7 long years. The one who listened and consoled him when he cried for Tanuja. He trusted her more than he even trusted Tanuja. Tanuja, the one that loved him, that tried to protect him and his family form Poorab's evil clutches. He didn't trust her when she told him about Diviya bhabi, but he trusted Netra. He felt her betrayal 1000 times more. And his guilt at failing and mistrusting Tanuja killed him.
"Netra. You bitch! Did you think I would never find out? You lied, you caused my wife to leave me. Because of you, I missed 7 years of my daughter's life. Today I will kill you with my bare hands.
He was oblivious to his family calling out to him as he advanced on a petrified Netra.
She couldn't let him do this. She couldn't lose him this way. She despised her but she was of no consequence in the scheme of things. She had to save him before he did something that could take him away from her again.
She ran in front of him and threw her arms around him. Holding him tightly.
"Tanuja leave me. He clenched his hands into fists. But she just held on even more tightly. She buried her head in her chest, sobbing.
"No Rishi. Never again. I will never let you go again. You are mine. I will not lose you again. I won't and especially not for her. You thought once that I wanted to win against her at all cost, but that time she won. And the cost was too high, Rishi. Please calm down. Don't do anything that you will regret, we will regret later. If something happens to you Rishi, I will die. I love you so much. I can't live without you any longer. And what will happen to our girls if we are no longer there. Please Jaan, think about them. They need us. she spoke through her tears into his very heart.
Finally he unclenched his fists and his arms came around to embrace her. He started rubbing her hair.
"I'm so sorry, Tanuja. So sorry. Please forgive me. I ...
She looked up at him.
"You don't have to say anything. I understand. I understand everything. It's over now love. The wait, the separation, the pain and heartache is over. Now we can have a new beginning. One of love and trust. I love you.
He hugged her again. The family looked at them happily, all except for Rano. But she was resigned to the fact that she had lost.
Later that day, Tanuja sat in the lounge with Natasha after she had gotten home from school.
"Natasha, do you remember the story I told you about the princess, the prince and the king and the doll?
"Of course.
"And do your remember, you told me the moral of the story?
"Yes, the princess must give the doll back to the naughty prince. she smiled.
"You know what the story isn't finished. I want to tell you the rest.
"Yes! she clapped her hands excited.
"The princess made a big mistake. She realised that there was an evil witch in the castle and she made the princess believe that the prince was naughty when he wasn't actually. She felt really bad for taking his doll from him because he really loved that doll. And the princess decided to go back to the castle, she wanted to be best friends with the prince again and also give his doll back.
"And what about the king.
"Well the king loved the doll very much too. But the king understood that it the right thing to do to give the prince back what is his. And the prince will allow the king to visit the doll whenever he wants to.
"So everyone is happy mamma?
"Yes and a little bit sad too.
"Why?
"Natasha that was not just a story you know. It was about real people. People that you know.
"Really mamma? Who?
"Well I am the princess, Mr. Handsome is the prince and the king is pappa. And guess who the doll is?
"Me?
"Yes, my clever doll.
She looked very confused still.
"Baby, before you were born, Mr Handsome and I were married. And we had a fight and when I found out that you are in my tummy, I was so angry that I didn't tell him about you. Then I met your pappa and he let us stay with him. So my angel, you are so special, you have 2 pappa's that love you. One that gave you life and loves you and one who chooses to love you even though he didn't give you life. So now we will go and live with your pappa, Mr. Handsome at his house with dadi, dadu, chachu and Ahaana maasi, and Tanya, your sister.
"But what about pappa? Will he stay with us?
"No baby, he will stay here, but he will visit us often.
"Why can't he stay with us? I don't want him to be alone.
"My princess, I am strong, nah. I was alone before you and your mamma came to live with me and I was fine. Now it will be better as will have you to come and visit. And I will have 2 princesses to visit now. I will be fine, princess. I promise. And you promise me you won't be sad, otherwise I will be sad. And we don't want to be sad." Abishek had been standing at the door listening to the conversation. His heart was breaking, but he knew letting them go was the ultimate test of his love. They were not his to keep.
"I will miss you.
"I will miss you too. Very much, my sweetheart.
"Promise you will visit me lots.
"You try and keep me away. I will be there so much, you will get tired of me.
She smiled, still a little uncertain.
At Bedi House around the same time:
"Tania, you know I love you very much. You are my baby, my angel.
"Yes mamma. I love you too.
"But baby, I am going back to my mamma and pappa. See, I want you to be happy and I want your pappa to be happy as I love you both. And that is to have you sister Natasha and her mamma here.
"I also want Natasha here, but why can't you stay.
"Because Natasha's mamma is pappa's wife. Not me. But I am so happy that you will have a whole family now.
"But I want you mamma.
"I will come and visit you a lot. I promise. You won't even get a chance to miss me.
Tanya was crying as Netra left. She saw Rishi waiting outside the room.
"Thank you. He said not looking at her.
"It was the least I could do after everything. I am really very sorry, Rishi. I only did it because I love you.
"Good bye Netra, contact me before you come to see Tanya.
He walked into Tanya's room to console his daughter.
6 months later:
Bedi house was abuzz. It was Tanya's 8th birthday party. Tanuja and Rishi was standing on the side watching the hustle and bustle. Rishi was watching Tanuja like a hawk as she was 3 months pregnant, and he forbid her to do any work no matter how bored she was.
"Happy Jaan, he said as he encircled her waist.
She looked across the room. The children were playing with their friends. It was not always easy with two girls that were both treated like princesses. But as usual they would fight and make up quickly. Netra was there and Tanuja always kept an eye on her as she didn't trust her, but for Tanya's sake, she allowed her. Rishi and Abishek had a truce going but they would never really be friends as Rishi knew how Abishek felt about his wife. What made her the most happy is to see Ahaana and Smiley talking and laughing. Shortly after she came back home, she helped mend that broken relationship. Smiley was very happy to be back home and to be close to her daughter and her family again. Tanya was happy most days with her 3 mother's but sometimes she really missed her Netra -mamma and then only Rishi could console her. But with every day that passed Tanuja tried to win her with as much love as possible.
She touched his hand that was touching her now protruding tummy. She leaned to the back and rested her head against his shoulder, finally secure in his love.
"So happy, Rishi. I know the girls are still battling to understand everything but they know they are loved. And we will get there. They are so excited about the baby.
"So Jaana, you want to go to our room, to rest you know. Nobody will miss us.
He winked at her.
She hit his shoulder.
"Rishi Singh Bedi, it is our daughter's birthday party and you ... you ...
"What Jaan?
"Just stop. I am going to talk to Ahaana.
"Aaah, Tanuja ...
She smiled at him as she walked away, shaking her head at his naughtiness.
He looked at her with so much love. His life was complete. Now when he told her that she was his for all the ages, it is with a secure knowledge that it is so and no longer in anger or a plea. He trusted her completely and she did him. Everyone in their lives realised that nothing could break them or keep them apart. Even Rano was mellowing now that Tanuja was giving her a new grandson.
They truly had a happy home, a happy family and love all-encompassing love for all ages.
