WARNING : I do not support self harm, but one does self harm in unconscious attempts, most of the time, to find relief or to punish one yourself for something... Even a doctor is a human and slip into depression illness. Well, there's not much of self harm, so it won't be a problem but still a warning to go with!
Note : Listen, if you can, Ae Dil Hai Mushkil song, while reading this!
Ronakshi OS | Meri Har Kami Ko Hai Tu Lazami
Has sometime happened, you know you are severely ill, you know where your cure is but you cannot reach out to it... It was same with the youngest heart surgeon Rohit Sippy! 3 months had passed by, he knew she is in same city Mumbai, in her Goregaon cozy beautiful house, shooting on her sets on Mira Road, her serial's episodes airing daily. He knew everything, where she is, stalking you say, he does it very amazingly and is content to at least get a glimpse of her, if not on her sets then on TV! But yet, he just cannot face her, reach out to her for her comfort...
Ahh! Right! Only he asked for comfort from her which she gave without him saying, he never gave her the comfort of his assurance, let alone words. She never took anything from their room, but the only thing she took was his soul. Sounds filmy right, and cruel from his mouth. But he had just no choice! He had let go of her, but the moment he did, he was killed from insides. He was betrayed by his own family, badly but she, that innocent girl was killed alive by his family. He didn't knew if it was a family or not, because a family doesn't back-stab, plot & murder...
And the only one person who didn't betray him, loved him unconditionally was his wife, Sonakshi... Was she his anymore, his conscious asked him, when you handed her divorce papers... When she said to him in emotionless voice to leave and never to come back... Or when she was most vulnerable in front of him, cried, begged, asked for closure, explanation in that saree which he gifted her but he... he gave none damn.
After that day, his family members acted and played as if nothing happened, as if Sonakshi was not there till now, so normal, and thought even I was normal... But no, no... Everything had broken, a part of my self was gone, I was lost, my trust had gone for toss for every member. And I just did after she left, didn't care damn for my so called family. Selfishness started & ended with them.
Just today, Papa got consciousness but was too weak to speak anything... But he awaits tomorrow, it will be endgame for everyone... And Sonakshi... Ahh she had asked him one thing to honestly give, to never contact her, come for her or find her. But he wanted to break it, he had gone to set, a hope has came that maybe after name gets cleared, he'll tell her truth and get her back again... He knows that he doesn't deserve her but he isn't breathing from past 3 months... So he had went on her shooting to meet her face to face, in person, tell her Papa has awoken and just... just inform her.
But all the hope, a little bit happiness to meet her after so long vanished, the moment he saw Sonakshi chuckling on something Sumit said... She had became stone, she wasn't no more bubbly, lively girl, she was no longer the chatterbox, she was no longer... His Dramaqueen! Her innocence had died, she was dying everyday like him and the main reason was he, himself.
He was not jealous, he had a pain surging in his heart seeing her smile... After so long with Sumit... He loved her smile, though this smile had many things amiss, it pained him terribly... But what would happen if you see your wife smiling with another man in front of you... It hurts like hell!
Well, was she his anymore, he questioned himself again...
He thought to paint her, no he ain't a painter, he is a surgeon, but in childhood, he & Pooja had gone to painting classes for fun. He loved it, but when he got busy in medical field he didn't really get time to paint afterwards. He had always wanted to paint Sonakshi, as she sat in front of him, and he could paint so many portraits of her... But life didn't really goes always as you wish, does it?
So after she left, he would paint her thousand moods, thousand portraits, imagining her in different attires, but in every painting, her beautiful big eyes would be sunny and happy... Cause, he didn't make them happy in reality, least she remained happy in these paintings... Though these paintings weren't so good like professional but beautiful in a different way! Today, totally different...
He never saw any picture to paint her face, as every nuance, every small detail was etched in his heart of hers. Her twinkling eyes and dancing mirth in them, the depth it had that he got lost in them, her smile, too dreamy to be true, her thick eyelashes... As he dropped the brush, and started painting from his fingers... As he remembered her luscious long hair, when he would slid his fingers through her silky hair, untie knots and massage, nuzzle in the mild fragrance of her... When his lips would trace down her slender neck... The smooth skin grazing beneath his rough hand, yet when he would capture her palm, it was made for his hand by perfectly fitting like a missing jigsaw puzzle.
When her earrings would lightly dangle as she bended her head, her curls falling, a shade of red, pink spreading on her neck when he would even compliment her, let alone coming closer, always made her die from shyness... He remembers... Remembers everything... As a lone tear escaped...
And as the portrait got done beautifully, he never got to forget to draw the mangalsutra at end in her neck, while he sat on stool, Rohit let his hand drop, with blood dripping from his hand when he opened his fist, blood all over the floor splattered... As she smiled through portrait painted by his blood...
He smiled in trance and let out a chuckle with tears, "Sona! Mera pyar iss se gehra hai, jhoot nahi hai... Nahi hai Sona! Nahi... Hai...", as he took his other hand, uninjured towards the portrait and touched the sides lightly, caressing it, Rohit chuckled with insanity taking over, "Tum meri ho Sonakshi Rohit Sippy! Woh meri hai, haan, meri... hai...". While the knife fell to the ground, just like his sanity, would eveything ever became normal...
Mujhe Aazamati Hai Teri Kami
Meri Har Kami Ko Hai Tu Lazami
Junoon Hai Mera
Banu Main Tere Kaabil
Tere Bina Guzara
Ae Dil Hai Mushkil
*****
Writer: Love Anushka
