Tears, pain and endless grief.
The moment he witnessed him being burnt to ashes, he broke. People restraining him felt like shackles, life was holding him into. Witnessing his mother tearing up at the loss of a son was breaking him from within. Witnessing his di turning into a lifeless corpse clawed his Heart squeezing his life drop by drop.
Time heals they say.
Life goes on they say.
The healing time might have lost its way, life never approached their door. They all stood at the standstill waiting for the end, to take them all.
Days after days, people came and went with their words of consolation and hidden taunts.
They breathed, everyday waiting for the end.
His maa turned to self blaming.
His di, was his di still alive? He questioned himself. She lost her life, her smile, the twinkle in her eyes and the will to live.
Why was it jiju? It was his fate his jiju took over, it was his responsibility that jiju... That jiju took up, it was his death that jiju took upon himself.
It was supposed to be him. Maybe life death would have been better that way. Jiju would still be here, take care of his di and maa like always. He would protect them, he would not have let everything fall like this, as if life were a pack of cards.
He failed at the one things he promised. To be his jijus shield.
He sat looking at the portrait, alone in a dimly lit hallway. In the deafening screams of silence. A portrait of a man who loved, inspired and lived. His eyes which hold warmth and security are lifeless behind the glass, a smile which would bring comfort to the whole house was gone.
He suddenly felt exposed and vulnerable. The warmth suddenly turned into chilling cold, the coldness slowly and painfully seeped into him, through his skin into his bones, gnawing his heart.
He was falling into a deep abyss of darkness, he fought. The chains tightened around his limbs. But the more he fought, they kept tightening.
He woke up, unable to move. His arms and legs felt heavy.The fear returned. The fear of being paralyzed. He trashed trying to unchain himself...
"Damn it, not now. No"
He trashed around. His panic returning with full force.
He took deep breath, trying to calm his raging nerves.
One
Two
He was transported back to the same place, same evening. He was alone and a blazing car while he was chained .
"ABP, are you okay? ABP..." he heard a distant voice.
That voice was so familiar, yet strange.
He fought harder
Soft fingers grazed his jawline...
The painful screams tore his vision, his jiju was begging for help. The chains tightened around his limbs pulling him back.
He felt someone approaching him and carefully shifted his head into her lap.
Warmth!
Gently raking her dainty fingers through his hair, whispering something .
His jiju's lifeless eyes staring back at him, he thrashed.
"Shhh, you are okay" said the voice
Gently rocking him back and forth.
"ABP, open your eyes" quivered the voice
"Please ABP, open your eyes" that same voice pleaded.
"Aryan"
He felt his hair being brushed back, and gentle caresses on his cheek
"Aryan, please open your eyes" she begged, fear gripping her voice.
Two more people joined them.
"Kakima, didi" that voice almost cried
"Aru"
"Aru" both the women called out .
"He ain't opening his eyes, he wouldn't listen to me" that voice complained with hurt and exasperation.
That person continued to rock him, caress his face ever so gently like he was some fragile china piece.
"Arpi! Call the doctor" said maa worry lacing her voice.
Why is maa here of all the places, she shouldn't be here, she shouldn't witness this.
"Aryan, please.... pleasee" that voice almost broke.
The breaking in her voice was breaking him from within. Why would anyone break for him?
"Maa, doctor is on his way. We need to keep talking to him" said arpi
"Why is he like this dii?" that voice questioned while a wet rag was placed on his face
"Imlie"
That name sounds so familiar, so... comfortable.
"It's a sleep paralysis" said a male voice from the door
Yes that damn thing came back to me when I thought I fully recovered from it.
Another person arrived, wow I didn't need people to witness this. Just leave me alone.
Cold metal touched his skin ,and something pricked his arm. Damn it! They are injecting me again.
"Doctor, will he be okay?" Asked a very distressed maa
"Yes Mrs. Rathore" he replied
"But it has not happened in long while doctor... why now all of a sudden?" Questioned arpi
"Stress and other memories might have cropped up" replied doctor
No, they are not just memories. He wanted to scream
"What do I do now?" Asked that voice again
"Keep talking, he is somewhere between being asleep and awake taking his mind back to darkest period of his life" responded the doctor
"He isn't responding" that voice broke, something akin to tear landed on his face .
He wanted to engulf that person and hide her away from any pain. Too bad he couldn't, not now anyways.
"Mrs Rathore how was he before going to bed?" questioned doctor
"He was stressed and he was silent all evening" replied the same voice
Why is she replying to Mrs Rathore?
Imlie
My Imlie.
Damn it. She just got sucked into this dark world, my world, she shouldn't witness this.
He was being shaken by someone
"Aryan wake up, will you please?" she pleaded again
It was her.
"I wouldn't ever cross you, I wouldn't ever question you. Please wake up. For kakima, for di... for... me" she begged again
Oh Imlie, my precious Imlie.
He focused on his breathing, tried opening his eyes. The brightness hit his eyes making him shut it immediately. He tried regulating his breaths and pull out of this nightmare.
"Keep talking Mrs. Rathore he seems to be responding"
The spell was slowly casting away, those chains were loosening.
He was being lulled into comfort and warmth again.
Time passed, he was drifting in and out of the sleep. The warmth from her tiny hands seeped into his chilled soul, bringing him back to the present.
His eyes fluttered, he groaned at the brightness.
"Aryan" she cried engulfing him in bear hug.
Her doe like eye bloodshot and puffed with the crying. She sighed looking at him sending a quick prayer to Sita maiyya thanking her .
"Aru" narmada cried at her son.
"Stupid UNB" said Arpita wiping her tears
"I m okay" he croaked, his head still in her embrace.
"I' ll get you water" Imlie jumped to get the water, not wanting her Aryan to struggle anymore .
Narmada and Arpita hugged
"You scared the daylights out of us" said arpi
"I m fine di... it just happened, I am sorry for scaring you guys" he was apologetic
"Nonsense, let the past go aru" pleaded arpi
"Di..."
"Nothing, you are saying nothing anymore. Imlie was out of her wits, not willing to leave you for a minute... think about her" reprimanded narmada.
The thought of imlie spread warmth within him. Even in his subconscious state he knew she was by his side. That thought alone made him happy and sad. Will he have her by his side always?
Imlie looked at the trio, who fought death and still fighting the demons. She never understood before now, how bad they have been hit by that incident.
All they ever did was give smiles, generosity, kindness, support and love. She would protect this family of hers from everything, they aren't alone in this pain from now on.
His pain wasn't his alone, it was hers too now. He isn't alone, she is standing with him now. He has her, with him, for him, always and forever.
"E lo akkadbagge" she passed him a glass of water.
Narmada and Arpita left them alone.
"Imm..lie" he tried talking
"Shh... take rest " she ordered him, he held her hand.
"I'm sorry for scaring you"
"You didn't. Now rest." she said turning away he pulled her closer and that was all she needed.
She hugged him tight as if her life depended on it.
"Don't you ever do that to me again akkadbagge. You can fight me, shout at me but never leave me alone in this silence and wander off in your darkness, remember 50-50 partners, we are going to do it together, Okay?"
He hugged her back.
"Yes" he replied, his voice hoarse.
"Not just yes you need to promise me, pagdandiya style"
They both burst out laughing reminiscing their old days.
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Writer: Teri malang
